Panik.

Let me tell you a story...

2010-07-22T23:38:00.002+01:00

An INCEPTION review in gifs-

On Tuesday evening, I went to the cinema with some friends. I hadn't been to the cinema since Avatar in February so I was partying like at the prospect.

Can you guess what film we were going to watch? Yep the one starring

No, wait, before you start worrying: there are no Inception spoilers in this post. Alright, you fools that have not yet watched Inception, you are safe, you may read this wonderful review and rejoice

So we were sitting in the screening, waiting for Inception to begin, watching the trailers. They were all Action film trailers, so I was like

Then a new trailer began, starting with a shot of the countryside, and I was still like

However I soon realised that this trailer was for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows so I was like

Anyway. So Inception began, and we saw LeoDiCap, but we were upset

over the fact that he had lost his youthful good looks.

The film really confused us in the beginning like

But we slowly began to follow what Nolan was telling us. And - thankfully - some hotties like

and

came onto the screen, so we were basically permanently perving at the screen

Oh sorry, let's get back to reviewing Inception. Well there was acting that made me Jear- oh sorry I mean tear up

There were some badass scenes with badass fighting

and a plot, sub-plots, and concept that really deserved some

There were moments when I had massive dawning realisations

and thought I'd gotten the hang of the film..

but then the film was like

'You ain't got nothin sista'....

There were a couple of predictable parts so I was like

and the ending of the film left me like

but overall, 'Inception' made me think

so I say 'Good job Nolan'

But what I'd really like to do is

hug Nolan to thank him for entertaining me and giving me things to scratch my brain about and blessing us with such a great, emotional, deep, clever film.

(Relevant gif)

Phwoar, that was harder than I expected. But in all seriousness, 'Inception' is a mindblowing film that deserves at least one cinema viewing from everybody. Resist at your own peril. It's like the second 'Dark Knight' though, everybody's banging on about it, soon there will be a tide of people calling it overrated. But 'Inception' is incredible. Go. Now.

World Cup 2010 in South Africa

2010-06-11T14:29:00.008+01:00

Bonjour mes amis!

I'm back, and for one reason:

The World Cup 2010.

Yeah, I'm a girl and I care about the football World Cup.

I warn you: I will scream in joy, shock, fear throughout the tournament, will cry (uh-huh, I care that much), will sulk, will laugh and jeer, and will quite possibly be rude. So please, bear with me during this period.

..Do you even need to ask who I'll be supporting?

There is no doubt in me that World cup '98 was my favourite. At the time, I still lived in Paris, which was where the tournament was held. The atmosphere was incredible, my parents were actually so keen about football which was a first, and I chanted for the Blues practically every day, even when they weren't playing. Such a good month of my life.

Back to 2010 - some of the internet logos out there in honour of the upcoming month:

Google

The French Google.. yeah, they just had to be different

There are people who think that football is overrated, over-funded, boring, pointless... I can somewhat understand that. But there's something about this sport, more than any other sport, which seems to unite whole countries together, at least for an hour and half on the days they play, and that's what amazes me about football. Game of hearts, not of minds.

So I'll leave you with some of my favourite/most memorable moments and photos of international football. It's seeing things like these that makes me love football.

OK I'm a little biased, but what did you expect?

p.s. Check out this website for a beautiful calendar of the upcoming month.

Grégory Lemarchal: La Voix d'Un Ange

2010-04-30T12:52:00.009+01:00

Three years ago today, I was sat in my dining-room minding my own business, when the newsreader on the French TV channel announced that the singer Grégory Lemarchal had passed away.

Deceased at the age of 24 - too young, yet older than had been predicted of him. Yes, 20 months after his birth, he had been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, whose main symptom is difficult breathing. How ironic - and tragic - then, that he went on to enter the French music contest Star Academy 21 years later..and won.

Can you imagine? Being told that singing could be detrimental to your health, but still, decide to enter the contest and embark on a pursuit of a singing career? How brave, determined, and in love with singing you'd need to be. And the day your debut album got platinum-certified - what a gratifying, overjoying day, when you can finally be righteous in the knowledge that you've beaten your body to victory. But your days are counted.

I leave you with one of his performances from the show. This is 'S.O.S. d'un Terrien en Detresse' (effectively 'SOS from an Earthling in Distress'), originally by Daniel Balavoine. If you saw how much I bawled when listening to this song the days after his death... god you'd be disgusted.

Grégory Lemarchal - SOS D'un Terrien en Détresse - wideo

And those, my friend, were the vocals of a cystic fibrosis sufferer for you.

R.I.P. Grégory Lemarchal 13.05.1983 - 30.04.2007

PUSSY WAGON.. and if your son doesn't, I bet your daughter knows

2010-03-14T18:16:00.005Z

On a side note, I've got a Reading Festival ticket for sale: would anyone like a Sunday ticket to Reading 2010? Acts playing include the mighty Blink-182, Paramore, Klaxons, The Drums who have been hotly tipped (listen to 'Best Friend'), You Me At Six, Weezer, All Time Low, FOALS, We Are Scientists, Cypress Hill, Band of Horses, Kele.. leave me a comment or formspring.me. Thanks :)

Anyway.

Ciggies on my glasses.. Passive smoking much?

Motherfucker, I'm trying to shoot a video STOP CALLING.

After weeks of waiting, and quite a few postponements, the 'Telephone' video was leaked on 11 March. The following morning at school, I managed to track down a non-YouTube version of it. MAN it was difficult to watch it in my school library, because all them raunchy bits meant that I had to minimise the browser quite a few times for fear of being accused of watching PORNtings on a school computer. Cause that's what the video's like - TOO MUCH NAKED GAGA.

Obvs, the video is not only naked GaGa (btw, her body is undeniably AMAZING in that video). The storyline is somewhat intriguing to follow, the outfits, a visual feast, the two divas' acting skillz (or, in Beyonce's case, god-awful lack of acting skills), hilarious. The video was different to what I'd been expecting, but it matched the standard that had been hinted at by everyone.

What I didn't like were the blatant and therefore very tacky plugs (of Virgin Media, a phone company, and an online dating site). That and the fact that it actually is a bit too long. I had thought that 10 minutes would be delightful to watch. However, though this is a great video for my favourite song from 'The Fame Monster', that excessive length and slightly convoluted feel does let it down a bit in my opinion.

Oh and there were some bits which just made downright L O L. Like the bit where Beyonce is in the bedroom and then she just starts bouncing!? I mean, what?! And the part at the end when they're dressed in long drapey.. things (the term escapes me), and they just look like witches and wave their arms in the camera's face. Whatever, I'm not complaining, it made me laugh... as Lady Gaga always does.

The PUSSY WAGON! (I.e. their ride, if you're thinking "WTF is she pussy-wagon-ing on about")

*******************************************************************

In other musical news – a midweek chart update has been launched on BBC Radio 1. Every Wednesday, Greg James will be looking at the charts as of that day. Exciting? Well it might shed light on the way people buy music – i.e. do people buy records just before Sunday to help them get to number 1? Do new albums/singles released on Mondays chart high early on in the week? ... I'm just being a geek now aren't I.

Speaking of charts, if you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that I rooted for Tinie Tempah to get to number 1 on 7 March. (FYI on the last night of the February halfterm, while everybody was going mad with last-minute-homework-rush, I was seeing him live at Shepherd's Bush cause I am just that hardcore.)

Anyway, get to number 1 he bloody did (and on his first week of charting, might I add). WELL DONE TINIE (cause obviously he can hear me..)! You see? Underground artists can do it too! (...Oh my lord that was the most cringe thing that's left my mouth.)

Aite, they're not letting me embed it, so click here to watch the video - you're gonna have to get used to seeing his bootiful face in front of you in the coming year!

xxxx

i'm the fury in your head, i'm the fury in your bed, i'm the ghost in the back of your head

2010-03-02T18:48:00.005Z

I iz back. 4 lyk, 2 secs.

Aite, all chav tings aside, I have come on only to have a scream about the fact that the one and only, hugely talented Foals have returned. (Please don't get it wrong and call them THE Foals, I will burst your eardrums if you do).

I was listening to the new single on Radio 1 last night...but I didn't even realise I was listening to it. A bit before 8pm, I turned on the radio, and they were talking about the Foals record and I thought OH SHIT I forgot to tune in earlier. Then Zane Lowe said some stuff and I did not understand a word he said but thought I heard him saying that he was gonna play it again so I rushed to my hi-fi and pressed the Record button... when some song vaguely sounding like Foals came on. FYI it was the song blasting out of the player below, but I half-thought it wasn't by Foals. Goes to show how much they've changed.

Then again, it could just be this song. 'Spanish Sahara' is, apparently, not 100% representative of the rest of the album. But if the rest of the album is as phenomenal as this song then I think Foals fans are in for a treat. It's so good that Zane Lowe played it twice. You never play the same song twice on one radio show.

The only thing that has pissed me off since then was the fact that they're playing a London date smack bang in the middle of my exams. As are Lostprophs and Kids in Glass Houses. Oh and the fact that my English oral didn't go amazingly, but I've gotten over that. Almost. So that is all. Make sure your speakers are on full volume and enjoy your 6 minutes of musical genius and heaven!

I only put the BBC player on here at first but then came across the video so I've given you that as well. But listen to the BBC player anyway to hear Yannis' interview. It's about 7 minutes in. (..Love him!)

xxxx

strictly blogging

2010-01-21T21:25:00.004Z

Hmm, I've spent far too much time on this ting (because I am just that sad and have no life) and – dare I say – so much time that my education has suffered (although, I am grateful because regular blogging has helped develop my writing skills and my own sense of self, both of which you could argue are sort of educational). And, I've got to the point where I see/say/do/hear something and think 'Huh, that's interesting, hmm, y'know what – I'll put it in my blog, CAUSE CLEARLY I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO'. Which means that my answer to the ultimate philosophical question 'What is the point of my existence?' is now 'So that I can blog about it'. Or, as a website my friend found would say: 'I blog therefore I am.'

Plus, I was reading some old posts, and it's official: I am BORING(-er) now. My old posts were actually vaguely entertaining (Exhibit A – read this from a post written in November: “Ok how many of my recent posts have been about school?! The most frequent post tag is 'school'. Oh I am just so cool. That rhymes. (Haha, that just reminds me - we're currently studying Hamlet in English, and in our lesson yesterday, the teacher asked 'who's in the mood to read Gertrude?' There was a ten-second pause, then I said aloud 'that rhymes'. Oh lord, what's wrong with me?)” lmao, I crack myself up. Or rather, cracked.). Now I just whine and mope about... I don't even know. I don't write like myself anymore. I've lost all traces of flair and am currently the-blogger-who-blogs-in-this-certain-way-because-she's-an-idiot-and-has-failed-to-free-herself-of-the-shackles-of –...never mind. ('society')

Lastly, I'm disliking the way some really bellend, underhand dissing is being thrown around. a) If you wanna diss, do it properly, b) the only reason I took up blogging again was because it was a way for me to let out that inner me that I wanted people to see – it's not a competition and I don't want it to become one either. So all of the above, in five words: blogging is no fun now.

For all these reasons, I am going to go on a blogging hiatus. Sort of.

I've been toying with the idea of hiatus-ing for a while, but I had a few posts I wanted to put out, so I had to delay the moment. Some breathing space will be good for me, for my studies, for my blogging content and tone and all that jazz, and to regain that ability to blog as and for myself. Do not despair, because there’s no way I’m doing zero blogging. I'm gonna do a weekly feature on music. Or maybe fortnightly. Monthly? Hum, maybs I won't bother at all, because I don't wanna be listening to music and only be thinking bout what I could write about it. I shall ruminate that thought inside the lump that sits inside my skull and is scientifically known as some-fancy-nancy-LATIN-name-I-don't-know, but we commoners know it as 'the brain'. And then I'll let ya know. What I do know is that I will have to be quite a lot stricter with myself about it. Well actually I think I'm addicted to the Internet in general so I'm gonna have to work on that.

So there you have it, goodbye (for now) to every-minute blogging... Don't hesitate to holler at me if you've got anything interesting to say here. I might set up an e-mail address via which you guys can send posts onto this blog.. I dunno. Everything's all very uncertain atm. Who knows – I'll probably be back before you know it..except I won't. I'M GONNA DO THIS.

Right, my plan of action: imma go wear all-black and curl up in a ball and put my hi-fi (I am so ancient I have a hi-fi and I admit it) on and play the emo-est music I can find on an audio cassette (that makes me even more ancient) in my humble abode (i.e. my shack) and think 'I. Hate. The. World. This. Pain. Is. Good.' (to any budding emo reading this: I love you really.)

xxxx

p.s. Is it bad that all things mentioned in the last paragraph actually seem quite appealing at this point in time? Except I don't live in a shack.

it's contagious, so catch it

2010-01-20T18:08:00.000Z

I've clearly busted my 'only one blog post a week' rule I set for myself for the new year. Ahhhh well. What's much worse is the amount of Tweets I've been putting out. If I'm not mistaken, I tweeted twenty times on one day. And this is me, the person who, not so long ago, dubbed Twitter 'boring' because all you talk about on there are the trivialities of your everyday life. Well, on that crazy day when I tweeted twenty times: clearly I did twenty trivial things. Gahhhhhh anyone have good tips for cutting back on tweets?

'Liquid Confidence'

I downloaded and listened to a leak of You Me At Six' new album, 'Hold Me Down', before its release date of 11 Jan (thanks to LH, who sent me the link. Guess where - over Twitter, haha, my life is so going down the drain). Because of exams and the Busted post (see post below), I'm only putting this up now. If you're a YMAS fan and haven't yet listened to it (SHAME ON YOU), I'd advise you to avert your eyes for now, because I've found that my first opinions of a new album are always overshadowed by reviews I have read (then again that could just be my easily influenced self). Come back when you've heard it, anyways.

Despite the hype (built by YMAS themselves) surrounding the release of this album, I didn't find myself excited about it at all, and didn't expect much from it at all. I listened to the sneak preview of the album a few weeks ago and wasn't fussed, though I did like some bits in there. They say that if you have low expectations, you'll never be disappointed. Well then, either YMAS are in a league of 'crap' of their own, or that saying is fundamentally untrue. I am going with the latter.

Although the album retains YMAS 'essence', it does also sound different to 'Take Off Your Colours', their debut. With more instruments, it sounds 'fuller'... or maybe that's what they call 'noise'. And a heavier feel? Yeah, I'm listening to 'The Consequence' and it has some low guitar bits. Gah I'm amazing at describing music aren't I? I just listened to their interview on XFM with Iam Camfield and he described it as 'bigger', which is exactly what I think about it. Like, arena-big. (...I'm so eloquent)

I am tempted to say that most of the songs on the album all sound the same to me. And I would not be wrong. I've found loads of ritornello patterns being repeated across different songs, and by the fourth song I knew I could expect their typical loud-then suddenly quiet-then build up to loud again- sequence. A few of the songs they've put on there are average, like 'Safer to Hate Her' and 'Fireworks'. I wanna clarify that the album is not as appalling as I make it sound, but for me the album isn't one that hangs together tightly and takes me on a journey. In their interview with XFM, they said that when getting songs together, they could put different bits written by different members of the band into one song, because, for example, it would be in the same key. That kind songwriting process seems a bit disjointed to me, because the two components might be carrying very different emotions and so make up a song that is made up of two really good but really mismatching bits.

So what is it that still makes me listen to You Me At Six, you ask, if I find so many things wrong with them? Funnily enough, this album is what's reminded me of all the things I love about the band! You can expect to find heartfelt singing from Josh (the low bits, the quiet bits, and the lungs-y bits). Some great guitar rhythms and melodies scattered across all the songs too. I'd list examples for these, but I'd just give you almost the whole album.

That's it? Nice singing and interesting guitar playing?

'Contagious Chemistry'

Sometimes it doesn't take much for music to touch someone. What You Me At Six have got is energy, some emotional charge, and proof that they know what works well together. These are the things that tell me they're not to be written off any time soon. I have faith in them. They work really hard, appreciate their fans, and isn't just another pop/punk/rock band. They're in their own league, standing apart from anything from the US that comes onto this scene. Bring on 2010 for YMAS; let's hope they experiment some more and come into their own.

'Take Your Breath Away'

'Underdog'

'There's No Such Thing As Accidental Infidelity (featuring Aled Phillips, from KIGH!)'

xxxx

p.s. zomdizzles, I hear this You Me At Six album charted straight away at no.5 in its first week! Massive well done to them, it's quite a feat for a band like them!

p.p.s.: if you're a regular on this blog, you might wanna check back tomorrow for an announcement...

hot tips for oh-ten

2010-01-18T19:04:00.021Z

Right, so here we are. New Year.. new music. I've always wanted to write do something like this, i.e. pretend I'm where it's at in terms of new music and that I have a megamagicalprophetic predictive mind. Anyways, 2009 was a great year for music (as DJ Earworm showed us with his mash-up. Ok, I'll stop banging about it), but I hope that 2010 is going to better it. With the new penchant for drum&bass and dubstep taking over the music scene, I'm interested to see what direction old bands have taken for their new albums. So here's my hot tips for 2010, as well as the people I'm itching to hear new things from.

HOT IN 2010
Let us start with those I'm not such a big fan of (but they're still good'uns, kind of)...

DELPHIC – 'ACOLYTE'

I liked their song 'Counterpoint' released (I think) last year, but they haven't convinced me yet with their new single, the name of which escapes me.

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

Also another one who hasn't convinced me.... 'I'm Not A Robot' was alright, 'Hollywood' I haven't given a fair listen to yet. So I'll keep you posted about how I feel. But yeah, I can tell she's gwan have a good year, and she was one of the names on the BBC Sound of 2010 Longlist.

JUSTIN BIEBER – 'MY WORLD'

Yeah, all the teenage fangirls are already screaming for him (I just accidentally wrote 'her' instead of him, thats how cutesy pie he is) and, I have to say, he deserves (some of) it! He has a great voice and the album 'My World' (hum. I *coughdownloadedcough* it) is quite well produced. Good pop/r'n'b shtuff. (Sounds a bit like Miley Cyrus... I can't wait for his voice to break.)

Justin Bieber – 'One Time'

OWL CITY – 'OCEAN EYES'

This is not how I imagined him to look like...

With 'Fireflies' already sparking love-hate polarisation, and considering the previous album and EP have had some great stuff that new fans may latch onto, I can see OC breaking through in 2010. But I just think the songs are too similar, so I ain't too big on this guy.

Owl City – 'Cave In', probs my fave song on the album

COBRA STARSHIP – 'HOT MESS'

'Hot Mess' is coming out (or has come out? If it hasn't come out, then the version I've got must be a leak..) this year, and they have a headline tour somewhere around the world. 'Good Girls Gone Bad' and Leighton Meester did much to raise this band's profile, so I can only see them getting bigger from here.

Cobra Starship – 'I Kissed A Boy'. From FOB's mixtape 'Welcome to the Administration'

And the following are:

HOT IN 2010 AND/OR I'M EXCITED/HOPING TO HEAR THAT THEY ARE COMING OUT WITH NEW THINGS

VAMPIRE WEEKEND – 'CONTRA'

Released 11/01, it sounds good to me already just on my first listen. They don't lose the sound that defines them (bouncy/cheery African-drum xylophoney feel-good tunes) but this one sounds a bit dreamier and carefree. Dare I say it's even outrageously easier to dance to than is their debut? Good work guys.

Vampire Weekend - 'California English'

Vampire Weekend - 'White Sky' - lovelovelovelovelovelove

THE STROKES – 'JUKEBOX'

I've only liked the Strokes for around two years but that 'like' has been of a very strong nature. And the stuff they've done solo (e.g. Julian C's collaboration with Pharrell Williams and Santogold on 'My Drive Thru', and Albert Hammond Jr.'s 'CfG') tell me that they haven't lost their musical streak. Look forward to it!

KLAXONS – TBC

The Klaxons are amazing. I saw them twice in Year 10 and their album 'Myths of the Near Future' was quite something – sounds that nobody else have successfully reproduced. They've been quiet for three years so this is an album I can't wait to hear.

'Magick' ...Not exactly an unheard of song, but it needs to be heard some more.

ELLIE GOULDING – Album has been rumoured

Her two songs that I've heard – 'Starry Eyed' and 'Under the Sheets' – are great, and she knows quite a thing or two about making music. She's been tipped by the likes of Huw Stephens – well actually she's been tipped by EVERYONE – and has been given advice by Florence Welch... from the songs that I've heard I know that she deserves the hype, and I like the sound that she's been making, so let's hope the album lives up to it all.

'Under the Sheets' – Ellie Goulding

KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES – DIRT

Kids in Glass Houses are a band that I really, really like, because they're kind of emo, but really upbeat, feel-good emo that never fails to make me smile. The music they made was quite flawless and Aled Phillips' voice is phenomenal. DIRT is out in March.

'Hunt The Haunted' – Kids in Glass Houses

BLINK-182 - ?

THEIR SUMMER TOUR. I don't know if they're having a date in the UK, but they've been rumoured to be playing at Reading '10, so I'm banking on that cause I got ticketz to that already. There is a trace of scepticism in me that thinks they may not be able to make it considering the musical directions they've taken in their respective bands (especially Tom Delonge whose Angels&Airwaves aspired to music that would 'make people want to fly'). However, I have total faith in them!

McFLY – TBC

Radio:Active wasn't exactly their best, so please please please bring out something along the lines of 'Wonderland' (though I doubt that'll happen).

THE CRIBS - ?

Freaking flawless post-punk heaven. But wishful thinking on my part, I think.

HOT CHIP – 'ONE LIFE STAND'

FRIENDLY FIRES – TBC

I'm not excited about their new album as I should be, cause I love them really. Hopefully they're gonna come out with a new sound, cause I am a bit sick of that debut atm.

JUSTICE – TBC

A very able (French, might I add!) duo who have been compared to Daft Punk and even rumoured to be the people under the DP helmets. Their work is always musically great.

MYSTERY JETS – TBC

These guys are dickheads (if you've seen their Nokia Green Room with Basshunter, you might have caught the dickhead vibe) but their tunes are great. I hope they've evolved somewhat and have become a lil bit more professional.

OUTKAST – 'TEN THE HARD WAY'

Heyyyyyy YA. Nuff said.

MIDNIGHT BEAST - ?

I know I've banged on about them on Tumblr and Facebook, but I just had to put them here. Stefan Abingdon (lead singer, if you call it singing) was tipped back in... by the BBC as a rising rap star. In 2008, I heard the Clik Clik, which he was in. Then in 2009 I saw this band's parody of Tik Tok, and have since discovered that in between TCC and MB he was in Perfect People. He just doesn't stop does he. Anywho the parodies they've done are hilarious, but I wanna see what they'd make of producing their own original music – though I doubt they're actually gonna come out with any solid record.

(Watch it in HQ otherwise it doesn't work) 'Down (jay Sean Parody)' – Midnight Beast

FOALS – An album has been rumoured

Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease give us an album. 'Antidotes' was musical genius.

And finally,

BUSTED

IT'S TRUE. THEY'RE BACK TOGETHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

...I wish.

*Sniffles. *

I've said 'hope' a lot in this post, which suggests that music this year can't be all riff-raff. We're expecting bigger better new things from old friends. I've said 'please' a lot as well which means some people have been gone for far too long! Also, when are Justin Timberlake, Late of the Pier, Mark Ronson, The Wombats, hellogoodbye, Gwen Stefani, Does It Offend You, Yeah? all coming back?!

Who are you looking forward to seeing/hearing this year? If you've got any unheard-of underground artists that you LOVE, gimme a shout!

xxxx

let's go back let's rewind to the days that remind of all the good times

2010-01-18T16:49:00.005Z

OMG. ITS OFFICIAL. THE CATERPILLARS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WORLD.
Or rather, it's Charlie Simpson's eyebrows. Delightful.

This is my 50th blog post! For this milestone post I was going to put up my review of You Me At Six' new album Hold Me Down but then 14 January came along. Yep, Busted's deathniversary, didn't you know. What reminded me of this special occasion was Scott Mills' tweet about it (you see, Twitter comes in useful sometimes). Also very sad was Matt Willis' tweet about how he had dinner with James and reminisced about the good times. Sob. And Charlie wasn't there, the jerk. Because I wanted this Busted post to be the 50th post, I've had to delay a few other posts I'd had ready, so let's just get this thing rolling.

A friend got me this as a present... But I probs would have got it myself even if they hadn't.

I first discovered Busted in Year 5 or 6. Up to this point I'd been listening to S Club 7, Big Bruvaz, Justin Timberlake (not that that's a bad thing), and.. Girls Aloud? Imagine if I’d never heard Busted. I wouldn’t then have got into Mcfly, nor, then, into The Beatles, or Fall Out Boy, or Panic! at the Disco, or Paramore, or You Me At Six, or any emo shizz, or any of that indie rock shtuff, or my whole iPod library. Or 80% of it (yeah, I have some non-rock in there that’s taking up the other 20%). I’d have liked Busta Rhymes, 50 Cent, Lil Wayne, and… I don’t know any more of those hardcore black dudes. Busted were my first men with guitars (as my friend GEM and I called our first boy bands). So thanks are in order – THANK YOU BUSTED FOR STOPPING ME FROM BECOMING ANUVVA GANGSTA WANNABE FROM DA HOOD INNIIIII.

Course, that’s not the only reason I like Busted. ‘A Present For Everyone’ is the best guitar pop album I know. I still remember the TV advert for it back in Christmas 2003. A woman asked her pre-pubescent daughter what she wanted for Christmas, and her daughter answered ‘A present for everyone’. Freeze screen. Ominous-TV-man-voice says something along the lines of ‘No, she’s not being ultra-generous. She wants the Busted album’.

That TV advert’s quite a clear sign of how big Busted had gotten in the UK mainstream scene. At some point it did annoy me a bit. They even had their own Christmas TV film on BBC or something, which was AWESOME – oh no, inner music snob is telling me to say it was an absolute piece of shit (but it was awesome really). Fame did get to their head a bit. Either they started to lose sight of the music, or their management was really zombie-ing them up into another mainstream robot band. So maybe it was a good thing that they split up when they split up. The only thing I really, really regret, is not having been able to see them live.

Their music is just the right mixture of dickhead, jokes, adolescent (which is basically dickhead), and emotional. I can listen to their tunes and laugh, reminisce, ponder, have a downward smile for a while, but will mostly think ILOVEBUSTEDILOVEBUSTEDILOVEBUSTED. They’re one of the bands whose music makes my brain go into overdrive with love for them. So that fateful 14 January 2005 really was a sad day for me. Or was it? I just remember being in a state of shock while watching them announce it at their press meeting and watching James and Matt all teary-red-eyed and hating Charlie Simpson with all my heart. My broken heart. Sob.

Busted, I'm 'Falling For You' everytime I hear you

Yep, one more thing I loved about Busted was Matt Willis. So fit. Well, he had some not-so-fit times, namely the phases of longer, slimy hair… but otherwise he was yummy. And then he got engaged to that Emma woman, and moved in next to a girl in my form! But anyway with his trousers hanging loosely off his bum, his grimaces in every single photo, and his crazy-coloured hair, this was not a crush my mum approved of, who glanced at my posters saying ‘euch, this is the kind of boy you’re into…’ I bet she had some bad boy crush when she was younger.

Matt Willis is my 'Britney'

Other faves:

When Day Turns Into Night

That Thing You Do

'Everything I Knew'

'Fake'

Calendars..

Half a calendar..

BUSTED 4EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

xxxx

p.s. Yes I LOVE BUSTED, if you hadn't already noticed. To each their own: hate me for it as much as you want – I've been mocked so much I couldn't care any less now!

this song had gone multi platinum

2010-01-14T21:48:00.002Z

I'll have you know that five years ago on this day (14 jan) a band split up.

a band that I owe something to because they're the reason why I like the music I like now. a band that had the youthfulness I never had. my all-time favourite band.

r.i.p. busted: 2002 - 14 Jan 2005

watch this space for further grieving.

xxxx

starry eyed

2010-01-12T18:37:00.000Z

So that's it, I might just have done the worst I have ever done in an exam. Actually no, you can't beat my Year 10 mocks performance where I flopped in half of my subjects. However, I can't see how I could get above 50% in any of the papers I've done so far, esPECially Maths 2 today, and History 2.

I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere...

Let's talk music.

Everybody (i.e. Huw Stephens, Nick Grimshaw.. and the rest of Radio 1?) has been bangin on about Ellie Goulding. The single's 'Starry Eyed', and it is pretty sik. The first time I heard it was a few months ago, from Pretty Much Amazing? Or ohhcrapp.net? Some music blog. I go on so many different ones that I don't keep track. Oh, it was from disco dust.

...Back to the point: at first I really wasn't into it, but maybe that's only cause I was downloading something else and that track was an 'also recommended' track, so I just downloaded it for kicks, and only listened to the first ten seconds. But now that I've properly listened to it, I liiiiike.

‘Starry-eyed’ – Ellie Goulding

Jakwob remix of that tune

xxxx

tupac showed me the way...

2010-01-07T13:08:00.002Z

Revision for the mocks is officially failing. I am more interested in preparing for my ToK presentation (which is AFTER the mocks) than revising. You can't blame me – I'm meant to be studying 'God of Small Things' by Arundhati Roy, and I lie not: its appalling-ness is bringing me to tears. It's not a bad plot at all, but she writes. Like this. Like A Child, Who Doesn't Understand – Punctuation.

Like this.

Yeah. I. Have. Two. Words. In. My. Mind. When. I'm. Reading. It.

“Help”. “Me”.

You know, short sentences, new paragraphs every five seconds, a gazillion words from the thesaurus.. It’s killing me softly.

Let’s get away from the topic of that book.

I don’t know about you guys, but today, instead of revising Maths and shit, I learnt about Tupac. Or 2pac. Gah I’ll just go with Tupac, it looks nicer. Anyway, I’m sure most of you know his story; if not, check out his Wikipedia, it’s quite comprehensive. I'm aware that Wikipedia isn't always trustworthy, so I am gonna research it some more, but the basics are there. Probably. What brought tears to my eyes was reading that his ashes were mixed with marijuana and smoked by Gallowz. It may have been total bullshit, but it moved me all the same.

Why Tupac?

Last summer, my friend and I did the obligatory presentation for the Theory of Knowledge course, but unfortunately it wasn’t focused enough on a real-life situation. So we now have to redo it. In search of a new topic, I’ve been looking through newspapers and noting down anything that’s caught my eye. The recurring theme has been ‘control’, i.e. the lengths to which governments would go, with the justification that they’re trying to run their countries. I also noted down ‘celebrity culture’, in response to the Celebrity Big Brother items.

However, what really focused my choice of topic was… hearing ‘Uprising’ by Muse on the radio. (I told you music inspires me.) This kick-started a long chain of reaction of research. I found myself reading comments on song lyric websites, on the Industry Exposed website, listening back to various songs... let's jus say that some conspiracy theories on various comments I read led me to research Tupac. and this is has shown me the light, for my tok presentation. I won't say any more.

Anyway, there is more to my discovery of Tupac than just ‘it helped me find a ToK presentation topic’. With the arrival of the Cambridge offers, the idea of Oxbridge and university and my future in general has just come back to haunt me and make me panic slightly. This is why reading about Tupac had a profound, even overwhelming, impact on me. The tragedy of his death (and life), and the fact that people aren’t waking up to the messed-up state of our music industry (which his death is blatant proof of) – when I saw both of these, needless to say Oxbridge seemed trivial and worthless. The music industry is so lost in its own shit it kills me.

I hate calling it an ‘industry’, makes it seem so meaningless, manufactured. That’s what it is now though, isn’t it? What’s music about now? The number of records you sell, the number of no.1s you have, the amount of praise you get from Simon Cowell, the number of sold-out gigs you have, how many of your fans want to sleep with you, being able to get your own private jets, the flashingflashingflashing lights you get everywhere you go, how many magazine covers you do, how many TV/billboard adverts you manage to score… Gah I wanna cry.

I won’t though, because I’ve never felt so inspired. My dream of entering the music industry is a recent one, but one which, out of all my career aspirations, I have felt least unconfident about, because I actually feel something for it, I actually care about it. Reading Tupac’s story woke me up, to the fact that Oxbridge isn’t necessary for me to make something of my life or make a difference. The one who makes the biggest difference to my own future is… (surprise surprise) me.

xxxx

p.s. God my posts are depressing now aren't they?! No more 'I got CRUNKKKKK' or 'woohoo let's celebrate cause I'm eighteeeeeeeeen or it's CHRISTMASSSSSS or it's the TENSIES (yeah, someone texted me on NYD, saying 'Happy New Year, welcome to the Tensies!'. How ugly.) Well, they’ll probably lighten up after my mocks. Or maybe they won’t, cause I’ll have done so phenomenally terribly in them that I might get…outlawed, or something. Woop!

p.p.s If you disagree with me about anything here, especially the state of the music industry, you’re welcome to comment and SHOUT AT ME.

Suffering for Him

2010-01-04T16:09:00.002Z

I have a quite a bit I need to blog about.

Yesterday morning, I dropped my sister off at church, and was on my way out, when my mum ran out of church, beckoning me to come back 'because it's the first service of the year' and blahblahblah. So I followed.

During the session, I was half-expecting to be converted back to Christianity, half not being able to focus and therefore getting bored, half thinking about the revision I could have been doing. The guy doing the sermon was the assistant vicar, whom I LOVE. He's young, can speak in public, is passionate about what he's saying, and doesn't try to convert us. But, whereas he usually has loads of anecdotes, this sermon had more studying of Bible passages in it. Today's sermon was called something along the lines of 'Relying on God', talking about Paul and how he suffered for God. Then at one point, the ass't vicar said to us 'would you suffer for God?' This got me thinking: I know that I'm going to suffer, but I don't know whether I'd be prepared to suffer for God.

My history with God isn't too straightforward, nor is it something that I can remember very well, mainly because of the long church-going hiatus I have had up till now. Before going to church that day, I'd say I vaguely believed, but disliked the idea of religion. Conflicts between religion, religion becoming an institution, and all that. I'm not the type to preach my religion either. So what I understood by 'Are you going to suffer for God?' was 'are you going to preach about him, regardless of what shit you get in return?', and my answer was, bluntly put, no.

As soon as I watched this video, I cried. For two reasons. Realising that life (and God) might actually throw shit at you like having a dead daughter. But most importantly, that, with God, it doesn't hurt as much. I know many people will read this and think that I've been converted and that I'm believing a load of brainwashing bullshit. Well.. I have nothing to say to you, really. I'm not converted - I'm beginning to be. And I recognise that believing in God could just be a security blanket, a way of making it better. That doesn't really bother me though. I don't think God, if He exists, really gives a shit about that (as long as you believe in him, hah), and if it gets you through life, then isn't that enough? Everybody has a force within them, and some choose to think of it as God, that's all. Call it naive? I call it faith.

...I can't believe I just wrote a whole post about God and religion.

xxxx

ps I'm really interested in what you guys think, so drop me a comment through the link below.
pps the guy speaking in the video is called John Piper. Check out his website if you're interested.

First post of 2010

2010-01-04T14:13:00.004Z

This post is gonna be slightly boring cause I'm doing the obligatory start-of-year 'what is this year gonna be about for me'. I've made a big deal about the end of 2009 and of the decade. That's because it's only just hit me how good these years have actually been. True, there have been really bad bits. But there's no point wallowing in dejection. It's the good bits that jump out at me... Just goes to show how little I appreciate when it's actually there in front of me, doesn't it.

I'm trying to start 2010 refreshed and psyched up, raring to go. It's a fat shame that my exam mocks are scheduled at the beginning of the year, which ruins the new year buzz slightly. Ok go away negative vibes. I LOVE NEW STARTS: 2010, HIT ME.

What I hope to get out of 2010? For things to work out well or at least happen, in terms of

- University/gap year shizz
- Career aspirations (possibly a law/journalism/radio/anything-in-the-music-industry internship)
- The IB. Hopefully I'mmer get my act sorted and focus.
- Lurrrrve. Find a nice boy. If not then I can always hit the bottle. Joking. I'm officially on an alcohol hiatus until the next big thing, which is...probably tomorrow. Ok, again, joking. I'm serious this time. Oh, talk about the devil -
- Alcohol. Develop a healthier attitude towards it.
- The Classics Magazine. Yeah, I really am that much of a classics geek. Improve on the last issue, preferably putting out a BANGIN one, seeing as it'll be my last one.
- Music. Pick up the piano again, and learn to play the harmonica. And stretch my cultural horizons by being open to new genres. More live music!
- Friends. Cherish the ones I have. Reconnect, or get to know them.
- Oh my god how did I not think of this earlier – My body. Lose 15 kg. I'mmer say bye bye to all this podge and cellulite.

I've got more that I could add to this list but I think that's quite enough for you guys. It's the beginning of 2010, I won't bore you (I have the whole of 2010 to do that). What do I look forward to in 2010? Well seeing as I'm not really an early planner, the list for this is relatively short/vague.

- All the upcoming 18th birthdays..alcohol..fun fun fun. (JOKING.)
- Founder's Day.
- The end of the IB. FINALLY. May 2010.
- My four-month (?) summer holiday. Still have to plan that.
- Valedictory Service
- Canons Ball.
- Possibly throwing an end-of-exams party.
- (Hopefully) getting my IB Diploma.
- Reading '10. Camp Ting...IRIE IRIE IRIE.
- Starting university (if I get into one I like), or embarking on an adventure if I choose the gap year path

Clearly I don't plan ahead, at all. All these things are either related to end of exams/leaving school or they're Reading or 18th birthdays parties that haven't even been planned. Hmm, maybe that's a hint as to what 2010 is gonna be about?

Need I say it: Bring on 2010. I'm gonna rip this shit.

xxxx

Finally the Noughties: let's get noughty about music, cause DJ earworm's already mashed 2009 up for us pretty well

2009-12-30T10:02:00.012Z

This is pretty surreal, the 2000's decade coming to a close. Last time around, it was a millennium ending, so I didn't really think of it as a decade, plus I was quite small so didn't think of properly reflecting back on what had happened. I have written about 2009 already so I thought I should let the music do the talking this time.

So here are my 100 songs of my decade. Notice the 'my'. I have roughly tried to chart these songs in the order that they entered my life and/or at the time that they became big in my life, not in the order of preference. There is some preeetttyyy bad music in here, so hold tight. Also, this post is quiiiite long. Well there are 100 songs in here…

2001-3
I can't really remember exactly when these songs came in (and not because I want to block out some of the really shit music in here!) Mostly pop here, and I discover Busted which is crucial to my signature emo music love. Because this is the chain reaction they started: Busted --> McFly --> The Beatles --> emo. Weird, I know. Anyway, otherwise I was obsessed with S Club 7, Justin Timberlake and pretty much every mainstream ting. This was back when life was all about best friends and primary school crushes, as well as getting into secondary school. Pretty good times.
1. Get The Party Started – P!nk
2. The Tide Is High – Atomic Kitten
3. Dirrty – Christina Aguilera
4. Complicated – Avril Lavigne
5. Cry Me A River – JT
6. Year 3000 – Busted
7. Have You Ever – S Club 7
8. What I Go To School For – Busted
I. Love. Busted. End of.
9. Move Your Feet – Junior Senior
10. Sound of The Underground – Girls Aloud
Yeah… don’t ask.
11. Yeah – Usher
12. Hey Ya – Outkast
SHAKE IT LAIIIIK A POLAROID PIKSHA
13. Where Is The Love – Black Eyed Peas

2004
This year I was really into mainstream music, discovering McFly which was to become one of my favourite bands (for a while.. I'm re-evaluating them at the moment), and staying in touch with the times through Capital FM. I have pretty much worked out who my friends are, after a year of experimenting with different groups, but the same cannot be said for my music tastes. I have fun though, which is why a lot of these songs are quite feel-good.
14. 5 Colours in Her Hair – McFly
When I first discovered McFly, I was like ewwwwwwwww they’re just Busted wannabes. Now look where I’m at (I’m at cringe-worthy McFly fandom level, if you were wondering)
15. Crashed the Wedding – Busted
16. Turn Me On – Raghav + 2play
17. F*** It (Don't Want You Back) – Eamon
And of course, the obligatory F U Right Back by the very mature Frankee
18. This Love – Maroon 5
19. Rich Girl – Gwen Stefani
Back when I was young and immature, I thought Gwen Stefani was a lesbian, cause she was singing about a girl, as opposed to about a boy. Yeah, I was weird.
20. Feel Good Inc. – Gorillaz
21. Just Lose It – Eminem

2005
We commence this year with a variety of music, mainly because I follow the French music contest equivalent of Pop Idol and fall head over heels in love with Pierrick Lilliu, one of the contestants. I also get into The Beatles through this guy, and it would appear that my music taste 'improves', as my friend CMB points out when she finds out I like The Beatles. My discovery of Fall Out Boy is key to my present-day emo inclinations. Kinda fitting, since this is the year that friendship problems are the new fashion, and that everybody's starting to get hardcore, what with the first smokers and drinkers appearing in this year. This is a really low year for me.
22. Blame It On the Boogie – Jackson 5
23. All About You – McFly
I love the music video for this.
24. Yesterday – The Beatles
25. Mr. Lonely – Akon
Mainly cause my lil sis could sing this to me, at the age of one.
26. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
27. Grand Theft Autumn – Fall Out Boy
28. Sugar We're Going Down – Fall Out Boy
29. Hide And Seek – Imogen Heap
From the one and only: ‘The O.C.’

2006
I discover Panic! At the Disco, back when they were awesome, and the emo phase is pretty much in full motion. Intermingled with the emo is the indie (or possibly the 'chindie' – chav/indie) towards summer time, and nu-rave (namely Klaxons, who I see, for the first time at the end of the year). My music tastes swerve in this direction mainly because I form a band with friends whose tastes influence me. I travel to Munich on the German exchange, and dare I say this is the year when I gave no shit what people thought about me, and just went as crazy as I thought fit.
30. I Write Sins Not Tragedies – Panic! at The Disco
Lovelovelovelovelove.
31. I Want It That Way – Backstreet Boys
Because of the epic Chinese boys lip-dub
32. Californication - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
33. Wake Me Up When September Ends – Green Day
34. Are You Gonna Be My Girl – Jet
35. Naive – The Kooks
36. We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
Don't kill me.
37. Welcome to the Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
Emo music phase just about begins here.
38. Umbrella – Rihanna
39. Sexyback – JT
40. Hey There Delilah – Plain White T's
41. How To Save a Life – The Fray
42. Song 2 – Blur
43. Atlantis To Interzone – Klaxons
Played this in my band. Don’t ask what our band name was. Ask what our band names were.
44. Standing In The Way Of Control – Gossip
Skins. Nuff said.

2007
With the experimenting of 2006, we enter 2007 where I wander back towards mainstream but want to retain an element of alternative (hence Dizzee Rascal, Calvin Harris, hellogoodbye). I.e., please, no pure pop. I discover Paramore – best discovery of my life. The indie element has not left, but I come back down to earth realising that nu-rave is perhaps a bit OTT. I'm back to caring what people think, clearly, because I think that I'm not 'cool' enough to be as crazy as I've been and to like all dat nu-rave shizz. It's also towards the end of this year that I strive for a change, to get rid of this stifling element of bitchiness that reigns over my school, and to get away from what's turning into a pit.
45. Dancing In The Moonlight – Toploader
46. Teenage Dirtbag – Wheatus
47. Dirty Little Secret – All American Rejects
48. 'S.O.S. d'un Terrien En Détresse' - Grégory Lemarchal
Grégory died this year, and this was by far his best song.
49. Fix Up, Look Sharp – Dizzee Rascal
50. If Youve Got The Money – Jamie T
51. Love Me or Hate Me – Lady Sovereign
52. Acceptable In The 80's – Calvin Harris
I still luv this song, for ever.
53. The Prayer – Bloc Party
54. Here [In Your Arms] – hellogoodbye
55. Will You Go To Prom With Me – hellogoodbye
56. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper
I featured this song in our GCSE drama piece.
57. LoveStoned – JT
Me and my friends sang this, non-stop, in the queue for the Harry Potter 7 release party.
58. Mariella – Kate Nash
Because at this time, I had a thing for adding -ella onto everything. Like, 'womanella'. Sort of around the time that 'Umbrella' by Rihanna was released.
59. Misery Business – Paramore
This is how I discovered Paramore. Amen for Fizz (the music channel on which I saw the video for this)
60. The Way I Are – Timbaland
61. Stronger – Kanye West
62. Mysterious Ticking Noise – Potter Puppet Pals
PPP for the winnnnnnn.
63. Smack That – Akon
64. Worried About Ray – The Hoosiers
65. Lets Dance To Joy Division – The Wombats
66. Hips Don't Lie – Shakira
Watch the best lip-sync EVER
67. Crank Dat – Soulja Boy
68. That's Not My Name – The Ting Tings
Also check out Dizzee Rascal’s cover of this.

2008
In 2008, I enjoy music. All the songs on here give me a fat smile, because they remind me of good times with friends, most of them. There is still a trace of indie, with alternative (what IS alternative? It's just a label for bands who dunno what they're on about..) elements. Is this the year that I go to most live music? Panic at the Disco, Foals, Angels and Airwaves, Underage Festival, BBC Switch, The Wombats... Probably. Reflects my attempts to like music that I genuinely like, as oppose to music that I want people to think I like.
69. Nine In The Afternoon – Panic at the Disco
Yeah, when they took the friggin ! out of their name.
70. I’m A Realist – The Cribs
71. Cassius – Foals
72. American Boy – Estelle
73. S.O.S. - Jonas Brothers
I love them, full stop.
74. Save It For the Bedroom – You Me At Six
75. Secret Crowds – Angels and Airwaves
I saw these guys live!
76. Two Doors Down – Mystery Jets
I think we played this a capella in my band… with me on an African drum, or something.
77. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
78. Mr. Brightside – The Killers
It’s-Y11-summer-let’s-get-crunk-in-the-park-cause-we’re-just-so-hardcore song.
79. Arrow Of Eros – Golden Silvers
Feel-good and good.
80. Dance Wiv Me [ft. Calvin Harris] – Dizzee Rascal
Makes me lul.
81. Fascination – Alphabeat
82. All The Small Things – blink-182
83. Just Dance – Lady GaGa
84. All I Ever Wanted – Basshunter
The legendary Jonas Altberg and his amazing plotline for his videos…
85. I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry
86. Check Yes Juliet – We The Kings
87. Decode – Paramore
Twilight, fo sho.

2009
This is the year I start to accept my music tastes. I've got into classical, folk, and reggae... And have embraced pop, to some extent (sorry, I still can't deal with Girls Aloud). Snooooooze. I just wanna sleep, just want more time to enjoy music.. And my Sky TV box breaks, so I can't be the first to discover music videos. This is the year that I stop caring what I look like when I dance, which might explain the rising amount of r'n'b in here..
88. Shake It – MetroStation
89. Kiss Me Thru The Phone – Soulja Boy
90. Right Round – Flo Rida
Reminds of times in AY's shed.(...Bahaha I just realised how wrong this sounds)
91. Bulletproof – La Roux
92. Sex On Fire – Kings Of Leon
93. Nobody's Child - anonymous Irish (?) folk song
This was originally 'Firestarter' by The Prodigy (because P kept singing it at Reading '09), but Brown Girl has rightly suggested this folk song. And I actually can't believe I forgot it. 'I'm nooooobody's child, I'm noooobody's child, just like a flower, I'm growing wild.' ...CUPWANKER! Ah, Reading '09, good times.
94. Children of the Night – The Blackout
95. Single Ladies – Beyonce
because the Canons gyaldemz did it for Canons Follies. But also because it is a pretty strong piece of music.
96. I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas
97. Guess What Batman – Lily Allen
From a lip-dub created by the LGBT community.
98. My Heart – Paramore
Chosen because of my late Paramore obsession.
99. The Middle – Jimmy Eat World
100. The Climb – Miley Cyrus
These last two songs significantly helped in getting me through the Oxford interview phase; without them I would probably have ended up in a pool of tears before each interview.

Notice how the number of songs per year gets longer then shorter. Either I’m getting a-musical, or my ability to obsess about songs has died down.

Undeniable: my journey with music this decade has been unforgettable. I'll always be embarrassed by large chunks of it, but it's mostly bittersweet, thinking back on those parts. Biggest thanks go to the friends who introduced Busted to me. Without them, I'd probably still be stuck in Big Bruvaz (do you remember them?) or something. Gah, music. You can't not have music – people hum, tap, whistle it subconsciously. So – thank the subconscious – music will never die. I'm pretty sure my music tastes haven't settled down. In twenty years, I'll probably be into opera, or something. Not that there's anything wrong with opera. Ahem.

No, really, in all seriousness, I'm open to most genres, but I'm very happy with the music I like atm. I'm quite happy my inner music snob has significantly subsided, because, come on, any music snob is deluded and in pretty heavy denial – mainstream and pop have their positives, the main one being that they're sick party tunes. Here's a mash-up demonstrating why:

This mash-up is pretty sick. Nothing has made me smile so much about mainstream music. In fact, nothing has made me smile at all about mainstream music, before this. This means something: he's bare talented. I could not stop playing this into my ears the night I discovered it.

It has to be said that this relies quite a bit on 'I Gotta Feeling''s beat and bass tune. But, this guy's crafted it so that the words actually make up lyrics (I only realised this two hours after I first heard it, or something), and it all comes together amazingly. It makes 2009 music seem fucking EPIC. I listened to the 2007 and 2008 mashups and it's nowhere as good, which realy says something about 2009 music. And I really like the message he's given in this song, the 'music will get you up if you're falling down' and 'blame it on the music for me having a good time' sort of thing, because it's so true. MUSIC, WILL YOU JUST MARRY ME?

xxxx

2k9

2009-12-27T22:21:00.006Z

‘Life In Technicolor’ - Coldplay

I heard this song – it's not really a song is it – at the end of 'Night at the Museum 2' and it made me smile, a lot. Thanks Coldplay : D. They make me cringe a bit, but ultimately I still quite like them.

Just cause this song also makes me smile every time.

(Btw, for effect, leave the 'Life in Technicolor' song playing while you read this post. Viva La Vida would do too.)

Life has thrown me quite some things this year, and it's been hard working out what to make of them. Smiles, frowns, screams of jubilation, giggles, tears, drunken shouting – I've tasted them all this year. What should we start with, the bad times? This is the year that Panic at the Disco split up, that David Tennant left Doctor Who, that Michael Jackson (and Brittany Murphy, among many others) died, that I tasted hangover at its worst, that I lost my glasses while jumping to Madina Lake (lame times, I know) at Reading, that I got the worst school report of my entire educational career EVUR, that I said the most obscene things to those who are dearest to me, that I (or someone else, cough*my mum*cough) broke countless numbers of headphones, that I shed tears for a boy, that I drifted from close friends, that I had to accept things about family, that I had to greatly recalculate my life plans.

Not-so-good-bits - character building, kiddo. Some of those bad bits might seem quite trivial to you. And yeah, it's true, some of those elements are much more serious than others, so serious that they alone are enough to last me a year. Arguments, criticism, bitchiness, breakdowns, stress, internal conflict.. This is the year I started to stop (unintentional oxymoron) looking to others for help in dealing with this shit, this is the year I stopped taking everybody's shit and realised that it's not always my problem, this is the year I gave less of a shit, (apparently this is the year I've taken up saying the word 'shit' three times in one sentence, too!).

Is there anything I regret in 2009? Perhaps all those embarrassing moments, most of which occurred during my booze-intoxicated times. And maybe also caring too much about things which were not worth nearly as much I put in them. Y'know, unbalanced prioritisation? Having said that, I've also learnt to give some things up, like doing really, really shit in most of my schoolwork in order to prep for Oxford.

Ah, bad times. But, however much 2009 may have made me cry, it has also given me heaps to cry of joy about, so let's just put those bad times away for a while and give you my highlights. This is the year that I first got properly smashed (with my friend Malibu), that I went to my first proper (Underage Festival doesn't count) music festival, that I kick-started this blog, that I left my childhood behind, that I applied to university and thus got ready to leave behind the school bubble, that I (don't mock me) rediscovered the human being that is the boy and started to realise that he's not really all that, that I went to the Harry Potter 6 movie premiere, that I took my first step in the LGBT scene, that I published my first 'Nuntius' magazine as the Classics Magazine co-editor at my school, that I met David Tennant, that I discovered how amazing libraries actually are, that I made friends with some of the best people ever, that I finally saw Paramore and You Me At Six, that I stopped giving two fucks about what I look like on the dancefloor, that my friend EHC and I threw our banging 18th..

So not a big year, basically.

It's quite sad, leaving 2009 behind. I don't know how many New Year's Days have given me that feeling. I really learnt to enjoy life, learnt to turn that downward curve on my face into an upward one. And there's no way I could have done that without the people I call my friends. The new ones, the really old ones, the ones who turned from acquaintances to friends, the ones who had a good time with me, the ones who took some of my burdens and walked with me..

Anyway, kids, less talking about myself, more about you guys. Comment me your fave bits of 2009? You know, to leave 2009 with a smile. Quick, before 2010 crawls upon us. Leave it hereeeeee.

xxxx

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you

2009-12-27T21:43:00.011Z

So, this has been a long time coming – my review of the Paramore (w/ You Me At Six) gig at Wembley. This was a gig that I had been looking forward to for so long, and there is a sense of not fully realising what it is that I have been lucky enough to experience, of not knowing that that experience is now gone.

Now, now every children was the only other support band (apart from YMAS) worth my early arrival. Paper Route were...simply shit. Well, they had some good sounds, but it was so incredibly boring that after a while I literally wanted to go out for a break. But, I didn't.

You Me At Six came on stage and gave a set which, I have to say, was much too short! It just went, like that; I clearly did not enjoy it enough while it lasted. They played more new songs than old: Kiss and Tell, The Consequence, If I Were In Your Shoes, Save It For the Bedroom, Jealous Minds Think Alike, Finders Keepers. Did they play Underdog? Can't remember. Oh, and Always Attract, with a special guest appearance from Elissa Franceschi (it's actually not that special – I'm pretty sure she appeared at Reading too...). Anyway, it was great, but not that great, I think. In my diary, I wrote 'they were as good as they can get', i.e. not amazing. You Me At Six have seriously dropped in my esteem, probably since they got big. Mainly because their sound has majorly mainstreamised (phwoar, I invent words by the day) for the worse. I won't go on about how I prefer 'raw' sound again. Haha, I'm about to undermine and contradict all that I've said so far, but whatever, I loved them during that set, and still love them as I now listen to 'Underdog'.

'Underdog' - You Me At Six [first play on BBC Radio 1]

'Save it For The Bedroom' - YMAS

Paramore came on stage relatively quickly, considering they're the next big thing and I expected them to take at least half an hour. I guess they've really not let fame get to their heads. Josh Farro came on stage, closely followed by Hayley, opening with... I can't quite remember. Anyway I know that Ignorance was next and that's enough. The tracks not from 'brand new eyes' were Pressure, That's What You Get, Crushcrushcrush, I Caught Myself, Misery Business, Decode, My Heart. One track that they didn't play from their album was 'All I wanted', which I was SO upset about. I can't imagine what that would have made me feel, listening and watching them play such an epic song. Sob. I'll put it up here for you to see what it is I missed. Check out 2:30 onwards. Spine-chilling.

'All I Wanted' - Paramore

'Crushcrushcrush' - Paramore

'My Heart (live)' - Paramore
My favourite live track by them

What made me enjoy their set apart from the music has to be Hayley's interaction with the crowd. You guys who weren't there really have no idea what Paramore's idea of crowd interaction is. Get this: Hayley started talking about a letter that Josh Farro (the guitarist, and also her ex (?)) had received, from (username) liam1. They asked 'Is liam1 here?' And some other girl's name which I don't remember. It took a little while for the two to come up on stage, and there was a variety of things which I was expecting, but definitely not what actually happened. Of all the things I was expecting (the two singing a song to Paramore about how awesome they are, or something) I was NOT expecting... a marriage proposal. That's right, liam1 proposed to his girlfriend. I'm so slow, when he went down on one knee it took me at least five seconds to get what he was doing and why the whole room erupted in screaming. But, when I got it, I screamed alright. While the girl hugged and kissed Liam (I assume that's his name), Hayley gently took the microphone from Liam's hand, saying 'I'm guessing that's a 'yes'', and dedicated the next song to them. That's 'The Only Exception', which I've got here for you.

'The Only Exception' - Paramore

Which song did I most enjoy? 'Misguided Ghosts', which they performed as part of their encore. Its being acoustic automatically puts it in 'tear-jerker' category, and though my tears were not jerked, I did feel something inside of me stirring and my heart going kaboom-kaboom-kaboom for Paramore. I know, I'm cringey, but I'm just saying, is all. If Paramore can make me say the cringiest of things, doesn't that mean something about their ability to move people to EXPRESS themselves? Hah, what bullshit, I'm just cringey anyway.

'Misguided Ghosts' - Paramore

Hayley was so fit that night, even a straightie like me cannot deny it. They were all on form, which I think is something you can expect from Paramore. You know, not letting fame get to their head, keeping their heads focused on the what they're doing, doing it for the music. They went out on the stage to enjoy themselves, that's undeniable, but also to share the night with a few thousand of their fans. And you can tell, as well, that even though they're guaranteed big bucks (big for a band like them, anyway) they still put their everything into those gigs and don't take them for granted. Concluding note to self and to you readers: Paramore will not disappoint. So I'm defs gonna see them next time they're in town.

And I'm gonna say it. Paramore are my perfect band. Call me emo, call me fangirl, call me teenage... but you're just an old, boring, lifeless soul who listens to... what do you listen to? Ok I was just about to say something but I'll restrain myself, because I totally respect your music. Yeah, totally.

:P love you really.

xxxx

wobbly walking..and not only cause of the heels.

2009-12-24T23:06:00.004Z

I’m beginning to feel the limitlessness of being 18. On Tuesday night, my friend EHC and I hosted our joint 18th in a bar in Fitzrovia – and a feeling that I can’t shake off is incredulity that that party was actually put on by me and my friend. I mean, me, the most socially inept person EVURR, put on a party that people said was worth all the hassle such as travel and snow shizz. Unbelievable.

No need to say that snow posed a huge problem; a few people e-mailed or texted me at the last minute apologising for not being able to attend because of adverse road conditions. Hah. All I could then visualise was a scarcely filled room for a party which could only be defined as AWKWARD.

And that’s what it was, in the first half hour at least. Then people started arriving, some sticking to the theme more than others, but that people were sticking to the theme at all was making me happy. Most of the beginning of my evening was spent trying to get people to go onto the dancefloor, or to at least integrate. Apparently that was fruitful, as it got a group of otherwise secluded guys to either a) eat girls’ faces, b) get pissed and dance horrendously, c) be crackingly hilarious.

I also spent the evening doing what I do best – get twit-drunk and make a complete fool of myself but still retain some control of myself and have an absolutely fucking good time. I was so happy on the evening and the morning after, but as that following day went on, it started to dawn on me that maybe I made more of a fool of myself than I could have realised. I certainly remember guys clearly talking about me and me going ‘Are you talking about me?!’ and them thinking that I’m completely out-of-my-mind idiotic and that I would believe their downright ‘No’. Guys, I’m a clever drunk. Ish.

I have to say, the music played wasn’t at its best, maybe explaining the on-off attendance on the dancefloor. Obvs there were quite a few guys that couldn’t bring themselves to even set foot on that floor, one of them saying that he didn’t have his dancing shoes on and me going ‘Set a trend! Be the first to dance in those shoes!’ I’m such a twit. (I’m gonna be saying that a lot every time I remember something I’ve said that night) But anyway, it’s what you can expect of (most) guys; they either need a lot of alcohol, or they need a girl to be grinding against. Or both.

Another defining feature of this party has to be the number of times I walked into two peeps eating each other’s faces (not counting already established couples). It gives me a sort of smug feeling, knowing my party is making me matchmaker. But then, what does that say about my party, if it’s driven guys to get off with multiple girls, some of which are my innocent 16-yo friends?... Probably just that the girl:guy ratio was seriously unbalanced, meaning that guys had a huge selection and couldn’t stand sticking to one. As per usual. I am really happy, though, that my friends mingled (on several different levels, XP)

I didn’t do much dancing, mainly because I spent so much of the evening rotating around, trying to make everyone feel at home, and speaking to as many peeps as poss, including EHC’s guests and our guests’ +1s. Met some great people, but I have a pretty good feeling that they now have some amazing impression of me…drunk me. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I always do that. Oh but what made me LOL was ~~being~~behaving like a right drunk to the people who had never before seen me drunk. I’d say a large minority of the guests had already seen me drunk before, but some of those who hadn’t were well shocked. Their reactions are quite classic. Awh alcohol, I love you a bit.

Ah, the feeling of being able to buy drinks. Freely. Oh you know what, I don’t think the alcohol has worn off. My head’s a little unstable. I’ve had a freakin headache all day, and it’s got progressively worse as the day has worn on. It got to the point where seven successive statuses on my Twitter were either about my head or about my uprising vom. Charming aren’t I.

Back to the point, I could finally go up to the bar and buy drinks! And buy drinks for other unable-to-buy-drinks losers! WOOP! Not that the bar even ID’ed anyway, but, you know, I liked revelling in the feeling. I had to be taught (again) how to do tequila shots but after my first I was the one teaching them! Gah, I’m such a drunk. I’m starting to depend on alcohol a little too much in social situations. Bah, whatever, it loosens me up! If I get to 40 and still need alcohol, then I’ll worry. In the meantime, I’ll take advantage of my youth (even though I’m actually not a ‘yoot’ anymore, dammit) thank you very much.

To be fair, the girl:guy ratio wasn't that bad, from the looks of it. My friend and I went to such lengths to get the balance right, and in the end it magically seemed quite even. Or maybe it's just that I cotched with guys most of the time. Anyway, not that the imbalance was too much a bad thing, for the guys at least.

So, the party was great, IMO. Perhaps that op’s a little influenced by the automatic rose-tinted view that alcohol gives you (rose-tinted?! or should that be blurred/slow/non-existant, I’m pretty sure it took me about 30 seconds to work out what it was that I was seeing). But my different social groups mingled, people actually danced, people got off, only 1 person (who had ID) got ID’ed, the staff were great, and everybody had a good time! Did last night really happen?! I’m slightly baffled. Apparently that’s a sign that you’ve had a good 18th. It certainly felt good. Forget saying hi to adulthood, I wanna say hi to throwing more parties!

I’ll leave you with some of the shit that I spewed out while intoxicated:
- ‘[prodding one of our guests’ +1s’ iron biceps; he happens to be Head boy at his school] You…are now definitely Head Boy material’
- the multiple slaps I handed out to guys across the party. Felt damnnnnn good.
- ‘SLAGS [at all the people getting off]
- ‘[to a friend who was standing with a girl he’d been getting off with] So how many girls have you got with now? Two, three, four, five?’
She turns around to him ‘Have you really got with five girls?’
‘No! IKP (me) tell her the truth!’
‘Yeah I’m only joking, he hasn’t got with five girls’
I hear the girl didn’t believe either me or him. Well she’s better off without him – he actually had got off with my 16-yo innocent friend.
- ‘JEWWWWWW’ [at my various jew friends. I love them really]
- Hah, I forget: on our way back, met a French black dude at the bus shelter. Biggest beg EVURR (sorry, gonna stop saying that). He tried it on with me and two of my friends, getting a wad of cash out and promising to pay for our taxi, drinks as various ways of enticing us to spend time with him. No thanks, you twat. Anyway, because he was French, I could babble away to him, but my firm threats were also made even more effective.
So, this is me, but in French, ‘my friend here..you know, he likes to show his body… oh, I dunno how to say this word in French… flasher?’
And also pulling the lesbian trick as an attempt to get rid of him (in French) 'hey we're all lesbians here. [later, when he puts his arms around my friend - who actually happens to be bi] hey, what do you think you're doing trying to get off with a lesbian?!'

It’s undeniable. I love my drunk self, perhaps a little too much.

Shit, that was long, though not as long as my Harry Potter post, just cause I definitely love Harry Potter more than I do alcohol. Definitely.

xxxx

Finally the Noughties: you've got the lovebug

2009-12-20T13:07:00.001Z

Right, let's get you started with some 'Finally the Noughties'. The three bros that all dem girls rave around screaming for: the Jonas Brothers (+ general Disney teenies mania).

I can't remember when exactly I discovered this band (funny how it feels weird describing them as band – will get onto that later). Possibly 2006? I definitely remember the mainstream rage starting in 2008. But I'd discovered them back when I was looking for 'Year 3000' by Busted, and this came up as one of the results. So when the mainstream wave of Jo Bro love came along, I was thinking 'erm, why is it re-starting now – haven't they been around for ages alreads?' Apparently not.

So as 'S.O.S.' swept across the country I was smugly thinking 'muahahaha I've known this band for ages'. I was so obsessed that – get this – I got our band to play 'S.O.S.' At our school's Bands Night. Yuh-huh.

The day came when I was blessed enough to see them live... at HMV Oxford Street.

Wow. I went very early in the morning to try to get a wristband, which would have allowed me to get right up close to them. I missed it by 2 people (what they do is ensnare people to come and queue and actually have a specific cut-off point, after which they say 'no, we're right bastards cause we asked you to get up at 6am so you could come get this wristband, and now we're not giving you it'. Ok, what they said is 'we've had 200 people now, you came too late'.)

I went anyway, but couldn't get to the front. Even when surrounded by a hoard of twelve-year-olds – no, I do not have twelve-year-old taste, the twelve-year-olds have my taste – in that crammed camera flash flash flash kind of environment, a rejuvenated love for Jonas Brothers was rising inside of me. I'm not joking. By that time, I'd already established my obsession for the younger Jonas god that is Nicholas Jonas. Slightly paedophelic? I don't think so.

They took ages to come out. And this is why:

'Dude, let's go out' – Kevin

'Nah man, let's not, let's make them wait [lazes around on a chair]' – Joe

'Come on dude, they're our fans out there!' - Kevin

[Nick is silent and admires himself in the mirror]

Or something. Admire mine and my friend GM's amazing imaginations. We were bored, OK?

So the one thing that sticks in my mind the most is this: seeing them standing on the stage for what must have been at least a whole 60 seconds, not doing anything, apart from posing. For the flashing cams. Lord help our music industry. I sincerely hope that's their manager making them pose, and not their own egos looking for some more fangirl appreciation, as if they didn't get enough already. Yep, I'm that desperate to keep my idea of the Jobros pure that I'd be willing to accept the corruption and heavy and fake staging in the music industry.

I bought their album ('Jonas Brothers', I think?) after I saw them, and was, at first, a little iffy about it. I'm VERY iffy about it now. But I love it regardless. A year later I bought the album 'A Little Bit Longer' and returned it. I realised that my love for the Bros had subsided and that the point when I was obsessed enough to buy their albums had passed.

That's not saying, at all, that I don't like them. I LOVE THEM. Even if I haven't been to a proper live gig. Or if I don't have all their albums. Clearly I'm not obsessed. I can still get really excited about them if they come up on a music channel (which I no longer have access to since my Sky box has decided to be a right anus and now does not work any more) and even today harbour a love for Nick Jonas strong enough that I have an A3 poster of him holding a guitar, as well as a calendar page for November which is decorated with a lovely pic of them three wearing sunglasses (thanks to my friend GM).

Thinking of this video made me see how much they care for their fans.

...Er, what?! Do they? Even I have to say: I think fame may have changed them, even if they themselves do not realise it. Or perhaps it's just growing up? How can you tell whether they're the way they are because of the fame or because they are just older and less innocent and therefore less loveable? As products of the crazy Disney teenies mania, which also includes Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, and Selina Gomez, they will have to work very hard if they want to shed that stamp off of themselves. I know that the world is currently starkly divided into the JOBROS camp and the .... I don't even know what the other camp calls themselves. Granted, if this other camp dislikes the fact that they are just a commercial product as opposed to a band, then that's fair enough. Too often do I see people who dislike them just for the sake of disliking them, either because too many people like them, or because everybody around them dislikes them. Or because they're just music snobs (yeah, sorry fellow snobs, I can wholeheartedly and happily express my love for them).

So I leave you with my Top 3 Jo Bros songs. This was excruciatingly painful to select: 'S.O.S', 'A Little Bit Longer', 'Inseparable'.

Ok no, I can't do this, here's a list of my top 10 Jo Bros songs:

- S.O.S

- A Little Bit Longer

- Inseparable

- Lovebug

- Hold On

- Goodnight and Goodbye

- What Did I Do To Your Heart?

- Pushin' Me Away

- Tonight

- Video Girl (FTT note: I am actually one of the video girls they talk about in that song)

Right, so you're permitted to puke now.

xxxx

18.12.09

2009-12-19T18:54:00.001Z

A date I may never forget.

The day I tasted live music at its best.

The day I saw You Me At Six and Paramore.

More to come, soon.

<3

Finally the Noughties: Harry Potter

2009-12-18T12:09:00.005Z

Haha, so apparently I write pretentiously, in five-syllable words, and in an elitist fashion! Whatever, I was tempted to bring down the tone but realised that this is just how I write, and that I don't have to please anyone. Obviously my writing self is gonna read differently to how I sound when I'm speaking. Cause I speak like an actual twit. But anyway, I'm getting to the point where I don't actually care any more.

Here's my third edition of 'Finally It's The Noughties'. That's the name I've decided to give the feature where I look at something that has defined our decade. That feature has kinda failed lately (mainly cause of Oxf interviews..) Topic of the day: Harry Potter...if I hear you groan or sigh – get out. :)

[edit: so my first draft of this ended up with me narrating my life story. Therefore I've decided to give you a timeline of HP-related shtuff, and then.. well we'll get to it.]

My tenth birthday – received my first Harry Potter book ('Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'). Did not open it until a few months later. And even then all I could manage was the first chapter. 'Who – the – hell – is – Wormtail? What – the – hell – is – a – Voldemort?!'

Spring 2002 – friend lends me his HP books. I'm HOOKED.

Sometime in 2002 – I watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Summer 2003 – HP&OOTP is released.

May 2004 – 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' is released as film, which I religiously see with my sisters.

Summer 2005 – I queue at midnight with my dad for 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' in my local WHSmith. My first midnight release! Still have the little Harry Potter bag I got the book in!

November 2005 – I organise the first of my Harry Potter movie viewing 'trips/parties' (your choice of word, depending on how geeky you see me as), to see 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'.

Summer 2006 – I discover FANFICTION. (fanfiction.net). Dramione (draco + hermione pairing) FTW.

December 2006 – I start listening to Mugglecast.

14 July 2007 – I organise the second of my Harry Potter movie viewings to see 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix'. This time round it's Ron we're in love with.

21 July 2007 – three of my friends and I attend the 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' midnight release in Waterstone's Picadilly Circus. Probably up there in the top five moments of my life.

the crowd that had gathered behind me two hours after I got there.

yeah, Harry Potter does not always call for civilised eating.

Summer 2007 – Mugglecast marathon during the long car journeys while abroad. Also, I plan my reading of HP 7 so that it lasts 21 days (i.e. 3 x 7 days, i.e. 3 x the magic number days. Hah, I'm such a nerd)

Spring (?) 2008 – Potter Puppet Pals mania takes over.

Hallowe'en 2008 – I dress up as HP, fem-style.

3 December 2008 – I attend the 'Tales of Beedle the Bard' launch party at Waterstone's Picadilly Circus, with the Mugglecast presenters attending. I meet JAMIE LAWRENCE. Legend.

The Mugglecast Panel

Jamie Lawrence is on the left. Absolute legend.

The 'Best Dressed-up' competition.

7 July 2009 – Also up there in the most epic days of my life. I sit in Leicester Square from around 7am, waiting for the Harry Potter HBP premiere, mainly with AB, but with several other people checking in and out.

This was taken before noon.

David Tennant... I wish.

Paparazzi briefing.

Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom)

Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy). soaked in the rain. Yep, by then, it was freaking hailing.

Michael Gambon (Dumbledore)

Emma Watson (Hermione Granger). Got her autograph!!!

One of the Phelps (Weasley) twins.

Helen McCrory (Narcissa Malfoy).

Jim Broadbent (Professor Slughorn)

Devon Murray (Seamus Finnigan)

Alan Rickman (Severus Snape). Got his autograph!

David Bradley (Argus Filch)

Gary Lineker. No, he's not in HP.

Mark Williams (Arthur Weasley) is in the blue striped suit in front of the car's open door.

Miriam Margoyles (Professor Sprout)

Jamelia.

Natalia Tena (Nymphadora Tonks)

The one and only. The legend.

Got her autograph!

15 July 2009 – I organise a trip to see 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince'.

Hallowe'en 2009 – I dress up as Bellatrix, full-on.

November 2009 – For my Philosophy coursework stimulus, I use the scene where Dumbledore reveals Trelawney's prophecy to Harry.

December 2009 – I write about Harry Potter in my Common Application for US universities. SUCH a nerd.

Timeline to be continued, obviously. How could it not be, with the Harry Potter 7 films coming out?! I'm so there for the premieres!

It's hard for some to see Harry Potter as anything but a teenage phenomenon, a passing phase, a temporary satisfaction of our desire to experience something new out of our dreary old lives. And I myself am not sure if I see it in exactly the same way I did when I first got hooked into the series. I'd say I was much more a purist than I am now, in that now, part of the reason I LOVE Harry Potter is because of the fandom – the podcasts, the premieres, the films, the book launches – whereas back then, I liked Harry Potter for Harry Potter – the books. Awh.

There has to be some reason for why such a tremendous fandom would be born out of seven otherwise ordinary books. I mostly put it down to JK Rowling's ingenuity. The ability to create such a cohesive world and to detail all the different pieces is something that cannot be found so easily these days.

Harry Potter has already taken up a good part of my teens (from 10th birthday to 20th birthday), so there is no doubt that it will be a defining part of my life. I'd say that the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows release party was one of the most momentous days of my life. I cannot envisage such an event happening again, but what do I know? 20 years ago, who'd have predicted the Harry Potter phenomenon breaking out?

The next most epic moment of my life was going to the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince premiere and getting an illustrious long line of autographs. Should I list them for you? Emma Watson, the Phelps (Weasley) twins, Argus Filch, Seamus Finnigan, Narcissa Malfoy, Slughorn, Alan Rickman, JK Rowling. I know. JK Rowling. I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind as she was signing my book. Probably nothing was going through my mind – nothing COULD have gone through it, that's how surreal the moment was.

My God, that day was freakin' unique in its own right. Epic downpour of hail, being squashed to near-death, meeting some hilarious German tourist who happened to be passing by and who shrieked out the most classic things ever, arguing with THE bitch of the year, bringing home the fattest Harry Potter poster, waking up at 5am and waiting for 11 hours, meeting some of the most dedicated HP fans I have ever encountered... these are all people I want to spend an eternity discussing Harry Potter with.

However, I'd say I still much preferred the Deathly Hallows book release because that was much, much more purist. It was about the books, the story, the character, and not about the next hot actor featuring in the film, or about meeting that person cause they're a celebrity, or about saying that you got an autograph from JK ROWLING!!! (ahem.)

What's Harry Potter brought to my life? Well, for a start, it's brought me new friends – meeting people at the premieres and book launches has brought me to people of my own kind - ;) - and concretised my appreciation of the Harry Potter world. It's brought me a new genre of music, called Wizard Rock, with bands such as Harry and the Potters and The Remus Lupins and the Moaning Myrtles appearing on my iPod. It's introduced me to the concept of podcasts, through Mugglecast, and to the concept of healthy debate, and to Jamie Lawrence...

What I cherish most about Harry Potter is the world that I can escape into in times of frustration, anxiety, despair, sadness... Escapism, in a nutshell. It's not silly escapism though. It's not all peachy in there. JKR is ingenious in that she has created a realistic and honest fictional world, bringing in all the darkness as well as the light. She did work at Amnesty International after all.

That release party was the moment when I came to fully appreciate the Harry Potter phenomenon. A book for both child and grown-up, which can thrill and excite, as well cause to ruminate much more deeply about emotion, words, and the important things such as friendship and family (cheesy), death, love (cheesier), and integrity. It's taught me about the power of stories. Harry Potter is the only thing read by children that I am not ashamed to be in love with. I have had such adventures with Harry (CHEESE ALERT!) that it will take more than a few insults from lame-heads who are freakin' afraid of opening their minds to stop me from loving the world of the boy who, to me, has always been one of the most beautiful pictures of humanity.

Gah, I really have to cut down on the cheese.

Wow, that post was reeeally long..

xxxxx

17 times 5 plus 100 divided by 37 plus 13

2009-12-16T18:32:00.001Z

Equals 18. Equals my new age.

I googled 'songs about turning 18'. Epic fail. I got Bryan Adams, Mario, Bow Wow. Bryan Adams sounds repetitive (standard), Mario sounds..shit, Bow Wow sounds alright, but just alright.

What on earth? Does becoming an adult, gaining the right to vote, the right to club entry, the right to alcohol purchase, not matter to anyone anymore?

The only one which stands out is 'Eighteen' by Alice Cooper. Alright, I got so confused cause i was expecting a woman, but a heavy rocker dude came up. And the video has mentally scarred me so that I find I can't really identify with that video...

I just looked up the lyrics. I do sorta identify with them. But argh! No songs whatsoever about turning 18?!

Anyway, today has not at all felt like my birthday. Just standard school day, and as soon as people get home, turn on FB and see that its my bday, I get a gazillion posts saying 'Ohmygad, I saw you so many times and you never mentioned it!' Well, it's not something I felt like boasting about.. I mean, as my friend NO said, birthdays are kinda anti-climactic.

Although I just realised, I can now buy drinks (WIN), get into clubs (WIN), vote (¬¬), oh and..become an adult. (wail in despair). But the first two are good enough. Except I don't even have a provisional licence and I'm not prepared to bring out my passport, so I don't ACtually win. Boo.

The reason I don't feel the birthday vibe is most probably because my birthday party is in a week, and that's what's most defining my birthday these days. Perhaps I was a bit of a noob for not mentioning it to anyone.

xxxx

liar liar pants on fire

2009-12-14T08:49:00.004Z

Oh, dishonesty. So useful, so helpful, so pleasing an accomplice. There is nothing like dishonesty to get you out of trouble, to avoid their judgement, to get into their good books. But there is also nothing like dishonesty to get you into trouble, to suffer their worst judgment, and to get out of their good books. There are some whose lies I can't bear. Excuses for not coming out to cotch, stories to make themselves seem like the goody – why do I smile and say 'that's OK'? Sometimes because I'm a wuss, sometimes because I know it doesn't do any good to stir up beef. But how much frustration it stirs up in my mind to hear their words, to know that they're lying, and to look them in the eye (or in some cases, hear them on the phone) and think 'how the fuck can I trust them again?'

Half-hearted truth and insincerity are almost as bad. Why would you say something if you didn't mean it? To avoid hurting their feelings? Yeah, I've done it before. To not seem like a bitch? OK. Because you don't have the guts to spit out the truth, and then go behind their back and rant about for two hours? Two-faced bitch.

Of course, the world's not black and white. I'm not an honest person, if honesty requires 100% commitment. Some things actually don't need to be divulged. They might be insignificant, but divulging them would add nothing to the world. So what's the boundary that makes a white lie a lie? The intention? Are good intentions enough to make a lie white? Well, saying that you're going out with friends to a restaurant when you're actually going to a restaurant and THEN to a club is a white lie, isn't it? The intention there is to keep yourself from trouble. Saying that you didn't get off with that boy when you actually did – that's not a white lie. The intention there is triple-edged: to save your relationship, to keep yourself from trouble, and to protect their feelings, so the intention is mostly to look after others' feelings. Therefore, good intentions do not make for a white lie.

So is it the consequences? If your parents found out you were actually clubbing, then the worst that happens is you get grounded (although that IS quite a big deal for us socialites ; P), yet if you were found to have snogged another boy, the consequences would be far further-reaching: a relationship split, i.e. DRAMA. You get called a ho? Your boyfriend, now you've broken up, gets off with multiple girls and you end up crying in your pillow. And possibly deciding to find solace in more physical activites?

Right, I watch too much daytime TV. I don't think it's the consequences.

Hey, covering up ADULTERY (muaha, I sound like such a puritan) does not invite sympathy either. So maybe it's what you're covering up that decides what kind of lie you're telling. In the first case, you're covering up going out -

OK I just realised, the only reason I consider the first case to be a white lie is because I think that lying to parents is alright. Erm, discriminative much? Haha, that's so telling of my own morality. And of my respect for my elders. Oh sod the elders. If they want my respect, they'll have to earn it. Why is an older person more respectable?! That's another debate altogether, one which I might discuss laterzzzzz.

So, lying to your parents seems to be alright, because we're all used to it. Well it's their fault they're so controlling. WE WANT FREEDOM. But they don't give us freedom, and if we tell them, then they'll keep an ever tighter hold on us. I certainly don't lie to my parents: I tell them the vital details, but I don't tell them every single thing I do.

Anyway, let's stop analysing mine and my parents' glorious relationship. I do think it's WHAT you're covering up that makes the difference. Say if you left out the fact that you have a secret shrine to McFly (this is wholly unrepresentative of my own life. Hum.) that's a white lie, isn't it? But covering up ADULTERY isn't a white lie.

Maybe I've got it all wrong. After all, I'm a good girl, and don't lie at all, do I?

The point is, the times that I've lost a friendship due to honesty are few and far between, but they're there. And they're not embedded in the past. They're floating around, slowly approaching. Gah, what pisses me off isn't what you're lying about – it's simply that you're lying! You watch out, bitch; don't lie to me or you'll lose my trust.

xxxx

i'm such a thief

2009-12-05T14:38:00.002Z

Big news of the week: I got an interview! Very, very happy. The thing that most amuses me is the fact that, on Tuesday night, I went home, asked my mum whether there had been any post delivered on that day. She answered 'no' but I went to check anyway. What do I find, but a letter addressed to me from my college, and which I am convinced is a rejection letter because of its slim appearance. I open it and it's an invitation to interview!... And I glance at the postmark date and it's 13 November. So it's been sitting in my house for... 18 days. What a blithering idiot I am. And I could have been driven to work much harder if I'd known back then..

Important thing is, I saw it. Imagine if I'd seen it only the day after my interview? Gah, I think I'd actually have beaten myself up right there and then. But AHHHHH i'm so excited, and quite nervous! I'm calmer and more confident than before, but grrrrrr still have to do so much!

Just took my SAT II Subject Tests this morning. Had to wake up at bloody 5.55 in the morning, and left a little later than scheduled. Anyway, skip to the actual tests - they didn't leave me feeling as bad as the SAT I did. That's probably cause two of the tests were French and Latin, both of which I'm well immersed in. The other one, Maths II, wasn't so good. But ah well.

At the bus stop on my way back, there was a salesman trying to sell 'Lebera' SIM cards at a shoddy little stall by the bus shelter. I watched a middle-aged woman looking at the stall and then going over to ask him about it. I thought 'poor woman, she's gonna get scammed'.

As she came back next to me and tried to look for her purse, she gently pushed my elbow accidentally, and for this, she apologised. So I thought, 'argh, have to at least warn her'

'What's his deal that's he offering?'
'Well I've got a son in Iraq and calling him would only cost 7p a minute, and my daughter is in Ireland and he says it would only cost 4p a minute.'
'Oh.. you should careful [to make sure] that you're not being scammed'
'Am I?'
'Well I don't know, he might be, it's easy to scam people like this'
'Yes, and I'm easily scammed...'

At this point he came over and asked me if I wanted a SIM and I said '~~GOD NO.~~ No it's ok : )' The woman said to him, 'I'll buy it on my way back, not now.' After a sterner assertion from her he finally left us.

Then she thanked me for helping her and told me about how her purse got stolen earlier this week. Poor woman. That man looked well dodgy though, as did the whole 'deal'. He wasn't even trying to publicise, he stood behind tiny stall and miserably attempted to sell his product by freakin' mumbling. GET SOME TRAINING YOU IDIOT.

Another horror of my day is getting off my bus and having my eyes meet the sight of four 12-year-old-ish girls from my 'hood wearing a collection of tracksuits, UGGs, fluorescent yellow, fluorescent pink, standard jeggings... My eyes were in dire need of being rescued.

Then - I'm practically drowning here - my sister showed me a pair of heels she bought from Primark (PRIMARK?!) and her jewggings. Wahey.

xxxx

ps, sorry, this week I'm not doing the features of the week (choon/vid/pic of the week). No time! I'll treat you after the interview though : )

Finally, the Noughties: LG

2009-11-30T17:23:00.005Z

What does LG remind you of? No, Life's not Good. Life's all about Gaga.

There is no doubt that, although GaGa has only filled two years of this decade, the Noughties will not be noughty (or naughty) without her. The heavy fashion element embedded in her music, her epic (euch, ever since those Classics extension classes about the Iliad, all other words that could stand for 'epic' is completely alien to me) stage performances and costumes, and the groundbreaking/breakthrough 'Just Dance', all of these are contributions that have undeniably rocketed the direction of our music culture. The highlights of the debut 'The Fame' definitely include 'Poker Face' and 'LoveGame'. I – am – sick of 'Just Dance'.

And right now a splitting headache is entering my head because of that silly ~~sugar drink~~ coffee. Breathe.

Back to the point, the artiness of the 'Paparazzi' video makes it my favourite video by far, though the song itself is not as high in my rankings. My former love for 'Starstruck' and 'Paper Gangsta' has since subsided. PG is great apart from the chorus, which should be the best part of a song, and the only bit I like about 'Starstruck' is the synthesised voice. 'Eh eh (there's nothing else I can Say)’ is quite nice, albeit lacking in energy.

And now as the eleventh month of 2009 dies, I come to fully appreciate her new mini-album. I cannot stress enough how much I love the song 'Telephone'. Its release as a single comes not too long after my downloading of 'The Fame Monster', whose sound I – surprisingly – prefer to that of the 'The Fame'. It's a slight move away from that heavy synth-filled sound, towards something that is slightly mellower but that still retains a heavy, if not heavier, beat. The only way I can describe 'The Fame Monster' is that it sounds bigger. Wahey to my writing skills! Ok attempt number 2: it sounds more epic, less restricting than 'The Fame'. When I listened to that debut album, I soon became quite sick of it because it made me feel claustrophobic and that the walls were slowly shutting in on me. Maybe I'm just a looney. But listening to 'The Fame Monster' gives me the impression that I'm being led out of my room onto some epic Wembley Stadium stage performance. Is that good? For me it is.

'Telephone' - Lady GaGa featuring Beyonce

xxxx

Finally, the Noughties: vampires galore

2009-11-23T18:50:00.011Z

I've decided, because we're nearing the end of the first decade of the 2000s, that I should do something acknowledging that on this blog. So I came up with a feature where I'd do a post on something that defined our decade. Because if I think about it, I'm a real noughties kid. I'm turning the big 18 at the very end of the noughties, so looking back on these years will mean looking back on my youth. So, let's rejoice in that fact, and show some appreciation for some great ten years!

Today, I'm writing about something that you probably know is raging around the country - vampire mania. Yep, it's Twilight. But no, it's not Twilight, in that I'll be focusing on the soundtrack. The music featured in the film receives relatively little attention in the fandom, if you consider the amount of attention the actors get.

Just lolz. No wonder they're so ugly then.

I can wholeheartedly say that Twilight's OST is one of the albums that I most enjoy listening to. Note, Twilight's OST, not New Moon's OST – that, I haven't listened to yet. I'm half looking forward to listening to it, half doubting its worth, considering that they've collected a number of huge names and put them on an already million-selling movie's soundtrack. Is that another commercial trap I smell? Can't be. Still, won't judge a book by its cover. It'll probably turn out amazing and I'll end up being one of the people who fell for their trap.

I downloaded the whole album after Twilight came out, but for some reason I only kept a handful of songs: Paramore's, R-Pattz', Iron & Wine's, and the 'Clair de Lune'. They were my favourite after all. I have to say, I really liked R-Pattz' two songs, not because they're R-Pattz' (or maybe a little because of that), but because they're genuinely nice songs. I can sit and relax to them…if it weren't for his mumbling which sometimes turns into snarling. I think it's with his great acoustic guitar playing that he redeems himself.

'Never Think' - Robert Pattinson

How can you listen to that and NOT feel like you're in heaven?!

… -_- cringe alert.

I seem to have gone crazy with Twilight lately haven't I? That's cause I am. Face it, sorry little Twilight hater: if you haven't read it, you can't judge. You can't judge the Twilight fandom on the fangirls. They're just swooning over R-Pattz and Taylor Lautner. If you read it and THEN hate it, fine. Just don't judge a book by the film!

Errrrr... where's Taylor? Who the hell is this beefy bunch...

I'm actually not as obsessed as I was this time last year. This time last year I was at the Twilight premiere. Yep, the Twilight premiere. omgomgomgomg I saw R-Pattz....'s back. Who else did I see.. Alex Zane, Dev Patel, N-DUBZ (why they were invited i have no idea), Jasper (? I think), K-Stew, and I don't really remember who else. And soon after that, I went to the 'Tales of Beedle the Bard' release party in Piccadilly Waterstone's. I'm just that sad! God, I'm such a nerd.

'Decode' is played the most out of the soundtrack, so I thought I'd give the other song some limelight. Haha, sorry, not 'the other song', I mean 'I Caught Myself', by Paramore.

So I just downloaded the New Moon soundtrack. It's sounding preeettty good. There's a piano piece played by Alexander Desplat – a French pianist, I'll have you know – and it's beautiful. He also happens to compose/play (?) the New Moon score. Here's the offical soundtrack tracklist - I've highlighted my fave bits.

New Moon OST

1. Death Cab for Cutie, 'Meet Me on the Equinox'
2. Band of Skulls, 'Friends'
3. Thom Yorke, 'Hering Damage'
4. Lykke Li, 'Possibility'
5. The Killers, 'A White Demon Love Song'
6. Anya Marina, 'Satellite Heart'
7. Muse, 'I Belong to You (New Moon Remix)'
8. Bon Iver and St. Vincent, 'Rosyln'
9. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, 'Done All Wrong'
10. Hurricane Bells, 'Monsters'
11. Sea Wolf, 'The Violet Hour'
12. Ok Go, 'Shooting The Moon'
13. Grizzly Bear, 'Slow Life'
14. Editors, 'No Sound But The Wind'
15. Alexandre Desplat, 'New Moon (The Meadow)'

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'Meet me on the Equinox' - Death Cab for Cutie

'Hearing Damage' - Thom Yorke

'I Belong To You' (New Moon Remix) - Muse

'Shooting the Moon' - OK Go

'New Moon (The Meadow)' - Alexandre Desplat

'Possibility' - Lykke Li

PLEASE READ: Summit Entertainment, Thom Yorke, Muse, Lykke Li, Death Cab for Cutie, OK Go, Alexandre Desplat, Robert Pattinson, and (my beloved) Paramore: I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP TO ANY OF THE ABOVE SONGS. I'm not making them available for downloads, I'm not scheming behind your backs to try and bring you down and cheat your ~~stinking~~money out of you, i'm just promoting

That's a lot of tracks to load you with, but, if you haven't seen the movie, you can understand the mood of it through this soundtrack. What can make me really happy is when films or television shows have some really good soundtracks - and not just a load of good songs plonked together, but songs that fit the meaning of the show/film, and I think that the Twilight music crew have done that amazingly. I can picture each song being played in specific scenes (that I imagine from having read the book). Pity the acting isn't up to the same level.

I wonder whether Twilight will be remembered in fifty years' time, or whether it'll be a one hit wonder. Or four-hit wonder. OK, not particularly articulate today: what I mean is, whether it's just a phase. Just a phase? Yeahhh, how can something that's adored by teenagers be concretised as a classic?

Erm, the Beatles? Elvis Presley? A load of other things which I could name but can't because my brain is not functioning?

Point made.

xxxx

sad times

2009-11-21T18:44:00.001Z

Surprisingly, I feel like I'm actually missing out on this fat New Moon hype. I thought I'd put my Twilight ways behind me, that I could not see New Moon this weekend because it's the wasteman thing to do, and that I could nevertheless survive. Aparently not. Edward is my all. Without him I cannot breathe. I curled up in a ball on a forest floor covered in brown autumn leaves today. I thought I saw him. I realized it was his ghost. I'm Isabella Swan, abandoned by the one man I loved.

...Are you cringing inside, cause I defs am. I didn't mean for that to turn out how it did, but as I started writing it I got steered in that direction and got into it. it's just too much fun to make fun of Bella Swan. She needs to sort herself out.

Anyway, I wasn't joking when I said that I'm missing out. The beautiful men are worth the cringe. it does seem a bit like it's those two men are a form of commercial hypnosis - that's all that's ensnaring the nation into the cinemas. Because Kristen Stew can only look as if she's about to kill Edward and not the other way around, Rob Pattz looks like he's constipated half the time, and...who else is in the film (apart from Taylor)? nobody cares about the others, apart from Emmett and Jasper who are B-U-F-F.

And now, onto Taylor. Literally. He is actually beautiful. That smile, that skin，those muscles, those teeth- ok this is getting weird now isn't it. Can't help it if he's a buff werewolf, jeez. Auch, get off that screen and over here now.

Notice how I just spent ten minutes ranting about a film I haven't even seen. try imagine how I'm gonna be after I actually see it (if I ever get round to it)

God save Britain. or the world. or the universe (after all, them vamps and werewolves may well have cult followings on Mars, they're that beautiful).
xxxx

music

2009-11-20T21:39:00.004Z

I'd like to start this post by thanking you guys for your support. I started this blog with no expectations (aside from expecting that nobody would read it), so to have anybody even going onto my page is very encouraging. I thank you even more for the lovely comments you've made about my blog, my layout, and especially those about my writing because that has previously always been an area where I've been unsure of myself. So thank you; now I only hope I can return the favour by continuing to give you light, yet – most importantly – interesting and entertaining reading (and laughing, hopefully).

Just a quick request, if you leave comments – especially in the shout box on the far right – please leave your name, or at least a screen name, otherwise it's just a long list of Guest Guest Guest Guest, and it looks like one person has become socially withdrawn and decided to spend their life on my blog. And, also you can't tell what's said by who. So yes, at least a screen name!

Music-wise: Thursday this week I heard You Me At Six's upcoming new single, 'The Consequence'. If you missed it (bad, bad You Me at Six fan), catch it on the Radio 1 Nick Grimshaw page (like I did). Or just listen to it on the right.

I like it! After hearing 'Finders Keepers' and 'Kiss and Tell', I liked them somewhat, but this is truly a move away from that kind of sound and back to their old sound (angry rawr angry rawr angry rawr. I'm SO weird.) No joke, I actually think my inclination towards angry music is really telling about my character... But back to the point, you can tell they have feeling in this song, that they've put themselves (maybe not their heart) into it. Josh Franceschi said that he had to rewrite the lyrics of most of their songs from the forthcoming album after their tour in America because he'd just come out of a long-term relationship – does that mean I stand a chance now? - so the sincerity that this shows (changing your lyrics to reflect your emotions) tells me that they are putting themselves into this song. Hopefully that will also be the case for the new album (out in Jan 2010, folks, GO GET IT). You Me At Six, welcome back.

A song that seriously makes me want to cry because of its pointlessness is Lily Allen's 'Who'd Have Known'. Yeah, I know, I loved her 'Guess What Batman (Fuck you very much)', but the former just makes me think, 'what is wrong with her?!' How could she possibly have thought that this song was good enough to release as a single? How could she possibly have thought that it was good enough to put on an ALBUM?! Things wrong with it: the chorus sounds too much like Take That's 'Shine' (perhaps that's intentional, but it doesn't work in any way!) it's slow in a lo-o-o-ong, drawn-out way, and it's lifeless. I'm not even asking for heart, or emotion, or soul, just something that makes me think it's sung by a living thing. HELP ME NOW.

Another song that's making me despair atm (but not as much) is Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'. I mean, when I first heard it, I thought it was some weird sort of MileyCyrus-Cascada-EsmeeDenters hybrid. So – wrong. It's a tune I can't get out of my head and that's good to sing, but lyrically and musically it's crazy. The verses she sings are – what the hell are they?! It's just her talking, really... I can't even describe it. Speechlessness, but in a bad way. There's no energy in the song, it's nanananana..nanananana... I don't need this kind of music! (Oh, there goes the music snob.) Too many artists who don't know what they're doing. It's not even fun music. I can handle bad music that's jokes, but bad music that is just bad and fills a space... no.

(OMDZ what?! When I saw the name Ke$ha I thought she'd have been black. Woops.)

Last word, well done to my friend NO (I'm not just saying NO angrily, however weird I may be) for her success in the Bank of England competition!

xxxx

classics is my bluddy life

2009-11-20T17:22:00.008Z

[written on Thursday 19 November 2009]:

I have neglected my blog for a few days for the only reason that this week has been very revealing for me. My mock interview, my Classics extension class, my interview practice – they've all told me I've a lot of work yet to do, and I need to invest a lot more of myself into it if I want to get rewards for it. More Classics: unseen translation, the Symposium, Classics Magazine contributor-searching. My life has truly been taken over by Classics, that dead subject that nobody in the real world actually cares about. Oh dear. At this rate, I'm truly on my way to becoming one of those snobby academics who have what none of us want: no life. (That's IF I get working.)

Anyway, I turned down a good friend's birthday dinner this week because of that (Classics, that is). Thanks to my mum, actually, whose guilt-tripping is very effective. I never thought I'd come to see the day that I thank my mum for her 'one reward for every drop of sweat' (charming, I know), but because I stayed in on that day (the day of my disastrous interview practice) I now understand what it is that I need to do.

I'm being really boring aren't I. Kids, that's what Classics does to you. Or at least, it's what your Classics HoD does to you when he makes you realise how little work you'd been doing and how much time you'd been spending on my blog, and, hence, how much more Classics-y you need to get. And that is the sad truth of life. I'm going to be really, really, un-funny if I get into Classics any further.

Ach, I'm so funny.

Ok that is not funny, I gotta stop saying that.

Anyway, I have now worked out my future career plan (the one that I'm aspiring to anyway). It's ambitious, it's heavy, but I wanna do it! And I probs won't reveal it just yet.

xxxx

LS' at Babble

2009-11-20T17:20:00.008Z

[written on Sunday 15 November 2009]

Hi, I think this is the first post that I'm writing as I'm working through the night. Yup, Sunday night and I've just been to a friend's 18^th. Worth it? Definitely. Now I can sit down and focus, without the need for a distraction. Except... I've just found one. You.

I like to write, that's all! One kind of writing I'm slightly anxious about is for my job as my school's Classics Magazine Editor. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna write about (that could be interesting AND suitable). It does not help that the head of the Classics department specially mentioned me and my co-editor in his speech at the Classics Symposium, thanking us "in advance" for the Magazine. No pressure!

I came back from my friend's, only to find my mum looking at me slightly ominously.

"You've got that interview practice tomorrow and you still went out."

[please note, there's no anger ruminating inside of her, she's just talking normally.]

Later, she said to me "I just don't believe you went to a birthday"

"What? Then where did I go?"

"Yeah, tell me where did you go?"

"Euch..."

Funny thing: until she [even later] asked me if we'd "been dancing", I was sure that her idea of birthdays was sitting round a table, having a tea party. Except, not really: my mum's actually quite in touch with the outer universe of teenagers.

On the other hand, my dad had a slightly more serious look about him. "In the future, it would be better if you didn't go out on Sundays because the next day you have school" (though in Chinese it's a lot more assertive in such a way that they don't really mean "it would be better for you" in a nice way. They mean "it would be better for you otherwise i'm gon kick yo ass in")

xxxx

Past pics of the week

2009-11-16T18:04:00.007Z

Here's a list of all those glorious pics:

Week of 13 Nov '09: New Moon Barbies

Week of 20 Nov '09: New Moon poster with actual vampires in

Week of 27 Nov '09: Don't be a jerk

Week of 11 Dec '09 128ve980

Week of 25 Dec '09: Paramore at Wembley

Week of 15 Jan '10: UN stands for moment of silence for Haiti

xxxx

DOWN WITH CENSORSHIP

2009-11-16T17:49:00.002Z

Right, so another rant about my school's blocking system.

I was on my last.fm account (which, by the way, you can find a link to on this page), and wanted to listen to Eminem's 'Business' on the last.fm website. Clicked on 'Business', and it went to this:

.

So I thought, hah, is it filtered because it's last.fm? I'll try again..

Tried again. It came up again. Hmmmm... I google searched Eminem. Or attempted to, because as soon as I pressed the Enter button, that freakin filter message came up again! So it's Eminem they're against... If you look carefully at the filter message, you can work out why they've blocked it:

Freakin' intolerance list?! What the hell!!! WHY?!

Fine I can see why, but, erm, WHY?!

Kids at my school are well in touch with the world, thank you very much, so you filtering stuff is only gonna make them hungrier to find out more about the very things you don't want them to find out about. At home. Where (hopefully, otherwise I'm gon shank their parents too) there are no filters! Get a life.

Let me also say, after I uploaded the screenshots to my photobucket account, the pictures were white with a red cross, because surprise surprise, the file name contained eminem and therefore COULD NOT BE SHOWN. Funny how the screenshots are of school-produced messages, so strictly speaking, it's their own messages that they're filtering as 'intolerant'. Ha, the irony. (Aren't I funny)

Why do I spend my life ranting about stuff when I should be ENGLISH ESSAY-ING?!

Moving on.

Omg. Aside from being slightly freaked out by this, I am mainly very flattered! Observe:

If you can see (which you probably can't because for some reason Photobucket has decided to be anal and resize pictures so that they're tiny and unseeable, so that I've spent 10 minutes looking for a photo hosting service, which has been in vain since this picture is still unseeable) then you'll notice that my song of the week (STFUppercut by The Blackout) has been played 26 times, 10 of which have been in the United States, and once in Brazil, Russian Federation (what?!), Belarus, Ukraine, Spain, and the Netherlands. Omg. Firstly, since when is Russia called the Russian Federation?! Am I that out-of-date?! Secondly, wow. Never realised my blog had spread that far...

I couldn't look at my stats for 'Complicated Sex on Fire' because.. well, take a big fat guess (I'm at school right now). The Filter message that comes up is 'RM Pornography and Illegal or Age-Restricted Activity List' LOL. Since there was a hyperlink, I followed it, only to find a million-page long ting about the filtering policy.

Back to the point, THANK YOU RANDOM BELARUSIAN (is that even a word) FOR VISITING MY PAGE!

Lastly, tell me to my face that you don't find this ridic:

Those are the Barbie/Ken/wtf dolls they've made?! I mean, Taylor is too ugly, Kristen is too pretty, and Rob Pattz is too fit. Totally the wrong way round!!! (Btw, I'm not saying that Edward Cullen is meant to be ugly. I'm saying RP is.)

I love how in the New Moon they've just made up the fact that Jacob prances around half-naked (except from this pic it looks more like a two-thirds naked) so as to give Taylor Laut an excuse to flash his Abercrombie abs. Yep, he modelled for Abs. OMG Abs abs. OK I'll shut up now.

xxxx

Past vids.

2009-11-15T08:54:00.014Z

Here's a list of the videos I have previously featured:

Week of 13 Nov '09 - 'A Message to Homophobes'

Week of 20 Nov '09 - 'Bad Romance' - Lady Gaga

Week of 27 Nov '09 - 'I'm A Realist' - The Cribs

Week of 11 Dec '09 - You Me At Six dissing chavs

Week of 25 Dec '09 - Granny's got the jizz in her panties for Edward

Week of 15 Jan '10 - 'Down (Jay Sean Parody)' - The Midnight Beast

[yeah, it's practically empty, but it'll get filled up!]
xxxx

Past choons.

2009-11-15T08:52:00.010Z

Hey guys, if you wanna catch up on past choons, or are just interested in what I do with my life, then here's a list that will be compiled as the weeks go past:

Week of 13 Nov '09 - 'STFUppercut' - The Blackout

Week of 20 Nov '09 - 'The Consequence' - You Me At Six

Week of 27 Nov '09 - 'Telephone' - Lady GaGa featuring Beyonce

Week of 18 Dec '09 - 'Stop This Song (Love sick Melody)' - Paramore

Week of 25 Dec '09 - 'Decoy' - Paramore

Week of 15 Jan '10 - 'Starry Eyed' - Jakwob remix of Ellie Goulding's tune.

[under construction...]
xxxx

F you.

2009-11-15T08:47:00.014Z

'Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you very very mu-u-u-ch'.

You may have watched the video of the week (13.11.09) already and recognise those lyrics. My friend EC sent me this video calling it 'cute', and I expected another of her chipmunk (or something) videos, so you can imagine my surprise when I watched the vid. Plus, I opened it when my dad was having dinner in the room, and when it got to the chorus, it took me a whole five minutes to realise I had to close the damn window. Woopsies.

As I listened to it I thought I recognised the singer as Lily Allen. But I doubted it would be her because I wouldn't usually associate her (a mainstream-ish singer) with the LGBT scene. It turns out that it is her. I don't know why I found it weird; it must be because I see the LGBT scene and the mainstream scene as quite separate, seeing as the mainstream scene is just that homophobic. It could be said that you often see gays in the M scene, but get real – when have the depictions of gays been anything but a camp gay guy with a lisp? I've mentioned this in an earlier post, but in a documentary by the BBC (that featured one of my friends), it was made clear that people in Britain have gross misconceptions of homosexuality, and even more of queer-ness.

The video is, indeed, really cute, and I have not been able to get the song out of my head (yep, it's only in my head, cause I can't sing it aloud when surrounded by fam). And it's funny, especially the bit when one of the guy starts kick his legs up in can-can style. It's just that idea of playing up the gay-ness to rub it into the homophobes' faces isn't it. But most importantly, it's telling you homophobes to suck it up and come to terms with bloody sexuality. I was thinking about this the other day: people say 'I'm not secure about my sexuality'. But people aren't secure about sexuality in general either. Maybe I'm just making things up. Am I mistaken, though, that being insecure about one's own sexuality means not being certain that one is heterosexual and being afraid of being homosexual because of the mockery that that will attract? And that being insecure about sexuality in general means being uncomfortable with the fact that there is a whole other myriad of sexualities?

Human sexuality is just a spectrum though, not a set of categories that people should be pigeon-holed into. Well, people blatantly are pigeon-holed, and that's completely... ridiculous. It's accepted as a concrete fact that heterosexuality is the norm, from the very moment you see the world. Children think that a girl kissing a girl isn't something that should happen. If you're a teenager, everyone makes a big deal of homosexuality. Queers are discriminated against in the workplace. The world (or at least Britain) thinks that homosexuality is a whole other niche, that the people in that niche are 'special'. Take Dumbledore. Yeah, the Harry Potter one. People made SUCH a fat deal about his homosexuality. Then, Rowling admirably said, 'he's just a character who happens to be gay'. If you're a heterosexual, nothing's commented upon. But if you're a homosexual, then that's who you are, you're 'the gay one'. Admittedly, I can't say that I don't see my LGBT friends as 'my LGBT friends'. So, really, I'm a bloody hypocrite, aren't I.

On a sliiiightly unrelated note, I just listened to the words 'Birthday Sex'. Oh my god. The mountains of innuendo (which, thank you very much, I GET!) in there are unbelievable. And I can't believe I never heard the quieter singing of 'I'm gon' hit the G-spot, G-spot'. Just, oh my god. I'm gobsmacked. I knew what the song was about, but I never realised how explicit it was! How is that song even allowed on national radio?!

And I looked up the full lyrics. Jeez.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

{Verse 1}

It's your birthday so I know
you want to riiide out,
Even if we only go to myyy house
Sip mo- weezy as we sit upon myyy couch
Feels good, but I know you want to
cryyy out
You say you want passion
I think you found it
Get ready for action
Don't be astounded
We switchin' positions
You feel surrounded
Tell me where you want
your gift, girl

{Chorus}

Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
I've been feenin'
Wake up in the late night...dreamin' about your lovin'
Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
Don't need candles or cake
just need your body to make good

Birthday sex
Birthday sex

It's the best day of the year, girl

Birthday sex
Birthday sex

It feels like, feels like... lemme hit that...g-spot g-spot

{Verse 2}

See you sexy and them jeans got me
on 10
1-2-3, think I got you pinned
Don't tap out...fight until the end
Ring that bell; we gon start over again
We grindin' wit passion, cuz it's yo birthday
Been at it for hours...I know you thirsty
You kiss me so sweetly...taste just like Hershey's
Just tell me how you want yo gift, girl

{Chorus}

{Verse 3}

First I'm gonna take a dive into the water deep until I know I pleased
that body (body ah oop)
Or girl without a broom
I might just sweep you off your feet
And make you wanna tell somebody
(body, how I do)
somebody body how i do
Or maybe we can float on top my water bed you close your eyes as i impry between your legs
We work our way from kitchen stoves, and tables
Girl you know I'm more than able to please, yeah
Say you wanted flowers on the bed (on the bed)
But you got me and now it's on again

{Chours) (it's the best day of the year, girl)
(lemme know what it feels like, feels like, when I hit that G-spot, G-spot)

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The choon is great. But the idea...

I actually had a full discussion with my friend AM about this. I was the conservative grandma. I just hate how – especially in R'n'B by male artists – sex is so carelessly portrayed. It's so completely devalued nowadays, and I'm not advocating a reversal to the olden times where anyone who had sex outside/before marriage were outright criminals, but come on... have some self-respect. God, I sound like one of those lameo girls who think 'Awh, I'm saving my first time for that special boy'... And now I sound like a nymphomaniac. Errrr.....

Gah, as DS put it: why do I even bother with a sense of morality?!

xxxx

p.s. jeez i go on bloody rants about LGBT issues don't I...

people, i have no friends

2009-11-14T20:14:00.002Z

Helloo, just a quick update: I've now got a shoutbox on the far right, so you don't have to comment on specific posts to talk to me, now you can just comment. I think. I don't actually know if it's going to work.

Oh and you can chat to each other.

xxxx

a proper blog

2009-11-14T18:59:00.003Z

OK, let's get serious. Here's your song for the day:

'Without Me' - Eminem

'Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody- just follow me, cause we need a little..controversy, cause it feels so empty without me'. Freakin amazing chorus. Oh and also 'I'm the worst thing since Elvis to do black music so selfishly and use it to get myself wealthy'. Well at least he's honest about himself.

I only rediscovered this song sometime a month ago when I downloaded all of his albums. He is a fookin legend, that guy. I'd been looking for this song for ages and when it randomly came on my shuffle I nearly collapsed. Well, no, I didn't, I was just really happy.

I know I'm not alone in thinking that he's not the rapper he used to be. It really is the mainstream-ness that's ruined him. Starting out in a clearly defined 'rap' pigeonhole meant that he could do his thing, swear all he wants, have that raw 'ghetto' (ok that is not something I can pull off) energy. He's been blown up now though, and the wants of the people and the majority have fed into his music. You see, now, the snares of mainstream culture? ALL AGAINST MAINSTREAM MUSIC.

No? Suit yourself.

You mustn't get the wrong idea, I'm not being snobbish and looking down my nose at all mainstream stuff (...maybe a little) – no, I'm only condemning the mainstreamness that makes initially perfectly alright (and perhaps even amazing) things into overplayed, mis-valued (I totally invented that word. Hell yeah, I'm the next Virgil), abused works in order to do the one thing that everybody in this room wants to do: get some extra dosh into their pocket. Maybe it starts out as 'giving the artist more coverage and radio play', but soon it's all flashing-lights, overcrowded-schedule, you-have-to-say-and-do-this-to-get-the-paparazzi-talking-about-you-in-the-right-way. It's all 'we're doing this for you', but secretly it's 'we're doing this for us'. I appreciate that there are several people behind the scenes who deserve the credit and reward, but that is what is making the music industry so corrupted and distorted. The artist wants fame, wants wealth, wants luxury... because of the mainstream culture that has been thrust upon them.

Although I'm a whole-hearted music fan, I completely disagree with the fact that it is these artists who are some of the top earners. It's warped. Why should someone who provides such a basic service as clearing our streets of litter, or as cleaning our buildings, earn millions fewer than someone who busts a few tunes? Of course, music reaches further, deeper, able to lift our moods, inspire us, understand us. But that doesn't keep us living (realistically). The world should get real.

So, guys, if in ten years' time you hear about me, it'll be cause I'm causing waves of change in the music industry.

Let's travel back to Eminem.

He's old now. Dare I also say his music sounds way too chirpy or jokes. I know he is one for the jokes and pranks, but that means he can't really be taken seriously for that kind of music. Maybe if he puts out another album (celebrities just don't let it go do they), he might regain that energy and some (not too much) of that solemnity.

OK he's just lost some of my respect. I'm listening to 'Cleanin Out My Closet' (from The Eminem Show) and he called his father a 'faggot'. I've no idea whether his dad actually is gay, but even if he isn't, I hope Eminem doesn't realise that 'faggot' is derogatory. Cause if he was fully aware of it and still used it, then he's going downnnnnn in my books.

[Later Edit: Nope, just researched it, and, assuming this interview is genuine and true, then he says he only uses it because he was taught it as meaning 'coward', 'sissy' etc., and because he doesn't wanna put on a face for the record... Mmyeah. I damn right hope you're being honest Marshall Mathers. Cause if you are, then there's a lot of respect being felt over here.]

Right, this was hard to choose, but

Top Three Eminem songs: 'Without Me', 'Business', and 'My Dad's Gone Crazy' (though I do have put on my feminist hat and condemn his attitude to 'pussy' and 'clit'. But i do admire his lyrics '"if you ain't got nothing nice to say, then don't say anything”...fuck that [...] I'd rather put out a motherfucking gospel record')

Whew, that was some long post. Hope you enjoyed!

xxxx

my life is mighty exciting

2009-11-14T18:43:00.003Z

Right. So as sky-high figures of people tell me they read my blog (haha, I'm so narcissistic, and I'm so kidding myself), I definitely have to step up my game. You might have noticed a slight change in the layout of my blog. I've got Dante Araujo to thank for designing the basic template. I'm now officially in love with my blog (gahhhhh stop this self-love immediately).

My life is so not worth describing right now. It's just work work work, read read read, blogwrite blogwrite blogwrite. Ok how many of my recent posts have been about school?! The most frequent post tag is 'school'. Oh I am just so cool. That rhymes. (Haha, that just reminds me - we're currently studying Hamlet in English, and in our lesson yesterday, the teacher asked 'who's in the mood to read Gertrude?' There was a ten-second pause, then I said aloud 'that rhymes'. Oh lord, what's wrong with me?)

Blah. So I'm blog-subject-less today.

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I could go on.. but I won't. O. M. G. I am so bored.

Oh! thought of something – I HATE MATHS.

Maths coursework could replace taser guns for the purpose of freakin putting us to sleep with a freakin violence degree of 100. That did not make any sense. This is what IB does to you. Or.. it's just me. I'm literally rambling now. Why can't I do this in interviews?!

Speaking of interviews, in my Extended Essay (4000 word essay we have to write for the IB diploma, no big deal) viva (some kind of post-essay-submission meetinterview) yesterday, I said 'erm' and 'like' way too many times. And was way too stuck for thoughts. That is actually how I'm going to be in interviews. 'Erm...like, you know that ting bruvz... innit that ting... basically... it's like...' Yup, that is me.

I just can't think straight in interview situations, because all I think about is saying something intelligent. Which is what would most please them, but that gets me straying from the path of 'say what you think'. But I don't know what I think because all I'm thinking about is the freakin' fact that this ting is called an 'interview'! Muaha, I'm so calm it's not even funny. Ok that phrase has to go. And so does 'like'. Help me guys...

Oh, another embarrassing moment yesterday morning, at the end of our Latin lesson, my Latin teacher asked one of the girls if she could 'have a word'. Not 'stay behind', but 'have a word'. Meanwhile, I was finishing up the bit of work we were doing in the lesson, and I saw the girl packing up so I assumed they were leaving the room to have this private convo. I sat there. And sat there. And sat there. Writing, of course, not just sitting (I'm not that much of a moron), until I sort of realised...they were waiting for me to leave. Oh joy. As I frantically left, I looked my teacher in the eyes and she kind of gave me this glare. Woops. Why do I get into these sitches...

xxxx

irata

2009-11-13T17:56:00.005Z

The amount of anger I'm feeling is, admittedly, quite unreasonable; but then, isn't that what anger is? Unreasonable? And I'm only unreasonably angry because people are unreasonably ANAL.

Breathe.

Just a teacher. From my school.

Moving on; following on from yesterday's mortification (which I have totally gotten over. Totally.) people are still mocking me. Totally uncool, guys!

Haha, I really don't mind, but it just makes me really self-conscious thinking back to it..

So I was talking to a friend about it, and he joked that I should buy a book all about innuendos to educate my innocent mind. And he allegedly searched it on google (but obviously he was just looking up at his bookshelf) and gave me a list of innuendo books. One of them being Something I Said?: Innuendo And Out The Other. So yeah, you guys can now read the book in the comfort of your own home.

Thanks for lightening me up AB!

Finally, hellogoodbye are officially back, with the song 'When We First Met'. They have an EP (free on their myspace) with the same name. And here's the video for you guys:

When We First Met

hellogoodbye | MySpace Video

I have to say, I'm not mega-impressed... It doesn't leave me with anything, nor is it particularly peculiar. But ah well, it's hellogoodbye, and I love them.

xxxx

i'm just so funny

2009-11-12T17:48:00.004Z

Well I've had my embarassment of the day today. I said something that I thought was funny in itself but did not realise at all that there was anunderlying innuendo. Awww, I'm so innocent.

What happened was that I had to give the vote of thanks to an external speaker who gave a talk today, about the 4th Century in ancient Athens. At one point, he talked about men who dressed up as prostitutes because they wanted to get into this place to kill people, so they had swords under their skirts. In my vote of thanks, I said something along the lines of 'I'm sure most of us here are glad we don't have men dressed up as prostitutes with swords under the skirts'. Everyone burst out laughing. I know, I'm just so funny.

But no, they laughed for the wrong reason.

Apparently I looked at my skirt when I said the skirt bit. Which makes it that tad bit worse. And yes, I only realised the innuendo when I sat down and my friend told me. Bah.

xxxx

ps the speaker was Michael Scott. Two people, including the head of Classics Soc and my Latin teacher, have said that he's fit. But...no. He was dashing but not fit. Anyway, I can't believe myself.

Dorset

2009-11-11T20:52:00.001Z

[written on Saturday 07 Nov]

I dragged my mum and myself all the way to Dorset last night, to sit the SAT this morning at 7.45. In the morning. A bit of a waste? Hm, I think I failed that test. Because I did not revise enough. What a waste.

On a sidenote, does anyone know anything about the club/bar 'Jewel' in Covent Garden? Or the one in Piccadilly Circus? If you're a clubber extraordinaire reading this (why are you reading my blog) please get in touch : )

Back onto the topic. How awful, I wrote a terrible essay for the SAT. It was about rights – women's rights and LGBT rights. AWFUL. Worst piece of writing I've ever done. Rushed, thoughtless, poorly structured, just... hmm. Ok, I've just realised, what if the marker is reading this blog, they're gonna get majorly influenced. Correction, I've just written the best piece EVER for my SAT, it was an innovative piece that was insightful and masterfully structured and will be groundbreaking towards establishing rights for those mandemz.

...

Yeah.

It was so time-pressured! And the whole you-get-1/4-of-a-point-off-if-you-answer-wrong really threw me off, so that I didn't know whether to risk answering or to leave it blank. Blah. I'll just have to wait for my scores and see if i need to re-sit it. FML. December SAT Subject Tests next.

Travelling was good though. Rushed last night to Waterloo in late afternoon, to get on a train to Poole. I understate when I say that I love journeys. Just, sitting. Not sitting an exam, not sitting listening to a teacher drone on, not sitting in a waiting room. Just, sitting, cause you can. And I did some SAT revision. Go me. Meanwhile, there was a group of uni students sitting adjacent to us, so my SAT revision constituted of eavesdropping on their convos. Listening to them made me sure of how bloody excited I am for uni life – travelling, clubbing, being with friends – living the life, basically. Oh and the studying, obviously.

That's reminded me – I can't get this out of my mind (not to be corny) – but my mum said to me: if I knew that you'd wanted to do Classics (undergrad degree), I wouldn't have sent you to [my current school]. She wasn't angry at all when she said that. It was more mild disappointment/regret/benefit of hindsight. Because she thinks that I deserve doing something high-brow like Law, or something really specialised because I have the brains for it. No comment for now.

Onwards and upwards, I found out You Me At Six have announced a 2010 tour. Support: We The Kings, Forever The Sickest Kids. Sickk. Except, er, not that sick. You Me At Six have really deteriorated since I first heard them (approx early 2008). Back then their sound was so raw it was butchered.

Fine, bad joke.

The 'Save It For the Bedroom' demo is the epitome of their raw sound, with no industrial mainstream riff-raff making sound too clean-cut and Josh's voice still sounding quite fresh and unique. Now it's just.. teenage fangirl material (cause I'm defs not a teenage fangirl). I still like them – I think – just definitely not as much as before.

And We the Kings? I overplayed them back in January/February and am suffering the consequences now. Forever the Sickest Kids? I don't know their songs. I have their album on my iPod, just haven't bothered to listen. I'm such a bad music fan.

But I'm really not. Guess who's seeing Paramore with You Me At Six! And..two other bands, that I WILL look up beforehand! Can't wait. And the day after that gig, is my 18th PARTY. Great start to my holiday. I actually cannot wait to go mad once I'm 18.

xxxx

classics knows best

2009-11-11T20:47:00.004Z

Oh dear my blog is a little messed up. I tried to stick in some HTML layout code (neek talk) but it didn't really work and I didn't realise that that erased my old layout...Bah. Ah well, it'll have to do with being average-looking.

What's on my mind today... The fact that I've been advised to put everything second to my priority of the moment – Classics. Oh yeah. So all those English, History, Philosophy essays, those Maths and Chemistry five-page-long sets of questions: they'll just have to be 5/20 quality. Well I've achieved that in History already, and in Maths (well ok, I achieved that a year ago). Chemistry won't be hard to be crap at, I've got two English essay deadlines for next week, and I am horrendously behind on Philosophy homework as it is. Oh and those Philosophy and Maths courseworks – wahey!

On a happier note, the Classics extension class today left me feeling really happy, a feeling that is seldom felt after those classes. And that is nothing to do with the fact that MS groaned and snarled about a gazillion times. Also to do with Classics (it really is taking over my life), the Classics soc secretary has coerced me into doing a thank you speech for the Senior Societies speaker (every week, our school invites outside speakers to speak to us because clearly they think we're not spoken to) tomorrow, because apparently I do very little ('what is there to do for the magazine?!') work for the society. Hell yeah I do, people just don't bloody do anything in return so nobody realises that I'm working! Euch, angst. Yeah, not something I'm looking forward to doing. And, another Classics thing I have to sort out is a) a name for the freakin magazine, b) things to actually go into the magazine? Yeah, b) would be quite nice.
Wow, that post is about 80% Classics-centric.
xxxx

you can't bring us down: we're the best in town

2009-11-10T18:01:00.002Z

They really are the best in town. Somewhere in Wales. But anyway I have not stopped listening to them since I saw them live at Reading '09. I knew 'Children of the Night' early this year, but seeing them really concretised my appreciation of their music. Their energy. their raw sound, their incredible explosion of emotion - this combination is the kind of thing that makes me want to get into screamo/heavier rock.

So I was randomly looking for an mp3 file to download so that I could put it onto this blog for y'all to listen to. And I ventured onto their myspace and found out about this. Look specifically at Nov 20th. Just, omg. The two Welsh giants (for me) together, on a Friday night. (King Blues are ok, but not the most important here). But erm..£40.00... I know it's for all three bands, but come on...

Then, I found this. Even more ARGH factor for me. But this one's a bit more of a no-go for me cause it's closer to exam time. Oh, and so is Lostprophets' London tour date. BLEURGH

Anyway here's for your auditory enjoyment. The belting out of 'you - can't bring us down: WE'RE THE BEST IN TOWN' is one of my favourite bits to sing in the whole of musical existence.

'STFUppercut' - The Blackout

xxxx

p.s. you know you've got good choons when my toddler sister can sing along, 'we are the children of the night, we are the childreeeen...'

good day

2009-11-06T16:07:00.005Z

So, have not been on for a week-ish. Busy busy busy. That's my week. And snooze snooze snooze (on the bus, cause night time is the new work time)

Anyway, I've only been on for... two minutes, and I have to go now. Got SAT revision to do, for the SAT test tomorrow, in an SAT test center a few million miles away, for the US unis that I don't even know whether I want to go to or not. FML!

One thing that happened this week made me think: just, omg. She's fit.

xxxx

J's.

2009-11-06T16:04:00.002Z

[written on Monday 2 Nov]

I cannot believe my school network has blocked BLOGGER! What IS that?! So I'm now using my email account to MAIL this post to my blog.

Anyway, out of outrage at whoever decided that Blogger poses a threat of DISTRACTION to our school day, I decided to procrastinate. Actually, that isn't too true, I went on Blogger an hour after I started procrastinating. So erm, yeah, Blogger really doesn't distract. I was distracted already.

Came across the most awesome website that has oceans of free album downloads. How are they still alive?! How has the Internet not killed them for the illegal-ness of their activity? HOW?! (Bleurgh, just realised I've written three words in CAPS in this post alone - hmm, I must be stressed.) So, yeah, the government is shit at finding mp3 sharks. I think I just made that term up. I seem to be feeling a little erratic today. Must be a weirdo, I mean, who would be erratic, after 4 hours of sleep?! Ridic.

Hallowe'en this year? Slightly different to how I expected it to be. Plan A - go to a friend's birthday do in Camden, then go to another's halloween one. Actual plan - go to a friend's birthday do in Camden, only to find..well, not what we wanted. We wanted a place to get "titfaced" (courtesy of JJT), but we found none. We didn't want to find a druggie who stalked us for about 10 minutes, and we did. *sigh*. Good times though!

Back to the topic- because we found nowhere, they decided to go back to my friend's house. I went with them, then realised it would take me way too long to get to the halloween one. Oops.

Had a great night at their house - I don't want this whole post to turn into a private joke, so let me just say: CM is the BEST drunk to be drunk with, EVER. Oh and the 2am search for ciggies - classic; running down the road for no apparent reason, JJT ringing doorbells asking for smokes, coming across some drugged up mandemz (actually, he had green circles around his eyes, and I 've realised: I'VE GOT GREEN CIRCLES AROUND MY EYES. Someone's drugging me.), getting to a closed "open 24/7" Tesco... I swear, that only happens when I'm out with them.

My parents got well pissed..off. Because I couldn't take the train back (missed the last one. and various other reasons.) I had to call my mum up. Yep, my mum. Ok lol, she's not actually that scary. But she makes me feel so bad AND she makes me feel like I've committed some kind of heinous crime! It doesn't last long, but when it's there, it kinda sucks. Then the next day, back at home, my dad came into my room (which he rarely ever does), and asked what had happened last night (he rarely ever asks about my nights out either), so er, yeah, FREAKOUTDAD alert. I think he thinks I'm sleeping around..or something. Cause he asked where I slept, and I said 'my friend's', and he asked 'Who?' (like, in that I-think-you're-about-to-get-into-some-shizzle-if-you-don't-give-me-the-right-answer kind of voice), so I said 'J', which is their name. "Oh." Problem solved. But, lol, he thinks I'm fucking around. I'm probably a much better girl than he suspects.

Something I took away from that night though: appreciate what you have. I discovered some things I really could not have guessed beforehand, and I'm understating it to say that it was upsetting. They say that you don't realise what you have until you've lost it. Well I've had a precursive taste of that, learning what my friends had in their lives. I have no idea in the world what the fuck can I do to help them, and all I want them to know is that I'm here for them, and I'm not the only one. I'm really not the only one who's here for you.

xxxx

p.s. sorry if I don't - make - much - sense today...

more gayness

2009-10-30T14:23:00.002Z

'octavia's vagina is purer than your mouth'

Ouch, poor guy. Day 2 of intense 'same-sex relations in ancient Rome' research and I'm not sick of this topic yet! Fascination + amusement = endless fun. Apparently back in the good old days, it was more shameful to be a fellator (ahem, give head) than to be a passive homosexual (be a penetrated male. If you still don't understand, come on, I'm not doing any more explaining). So um, how many people in our society do you think would have been shunned back then?

I have to say, reading these scholar's articles on the topic is slowly doing my head in. Only because I can't tell whether they themselves are pro-LGBT rights or con-. But I'm presuming (which I really shouldn't be doing, going on zero concrete evidence and massive stereotyping) that they are con-, because they lived in the old times, and most scholars are conformists. Okay major stereotyping going on here. I mean, some of them say, who are we to judge, how do we know that we're not wrong by repressing homosexuality in our society, and all that. But, although in our society there is a bit of a taboo surrounding LGBT issues, I sense that some people have to repress their anti-LGBT rights views for fear of being..well massacred.

Our world is full of waves of movements such as the LGBT rights campaigns, and the women's rights campaigns that slowly there is this obsession with doing the right, moral thing. And if you go against these ideas, you're immoral, you're a pig, you're anti-liberal. Etcetera, etcetera. How do we know if you actually want the transgender community to be treated well, or if you're just going along with it to maintain an image of your moral compass?

I can't say much, there are a lot of things that I think I believe in, but in situations of crisis, I've had to re-evaluate my views and find that I actually believe in the 'anti-moral' view. For example (and please, Henrietta Barnett and Frances Mary Buss, wherever your spirits may be, rest in peace..i.e. DON'T KILL ME FOR THIS) I am no feminist. I know, being a woman, I should be out there fighting for my own rights. And I do want my own rights, I'm not saying we shouldn't have them. I'm just of the view that women might have to accept that men are, by nature, better at some things than we are. That doesn't stop us from trying, and doesn't mean there won't be some women who are better at men at those things, but in perspective, you have to be realistic. Men and women are different. That's why (heterosexual) relationships can be hard – we just don't get each other, sometimes. Like, leaving the toilet seat up, having an obsession with making the beds, not expressing your deeper emotions, crying your eyes out into his shoulder... All this mumbo-jumbo hurts both our heads.

Now, into the dank cave that is my life.. went shopping yesterday and bought some halloween gear. I bought my first lipstick! (yeah, late, I know) And then last night I smushed it mistake, by putting the lid down when the lipsticky bit was still up.

BarryM, shade 141.

Quote of the day (from yesterday) comes from mine and EC's conversation. She stuck her middle finger up at me, so I shouted 'Don't finger me!'. And then I realised.

Haha.

xxxx

ashton kutcher

2009-10-30T08:45:00.006Z

Ain't he yummy.

'Just Married' was on Film4 last night, and I, being the mega-procrastinator that I am, used up more of the time I could have been using for work by watching this rom-com. Only for Ashton Kutcher. Only for his hair, his cheekbones, his eyes, his..body.

I'll stop perving.

Anywho, last night I mega-procrastinated some more by checking out all the social internet accounts I own. So far, I count 15. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, this ting, Last.fm, Purevolume, The Hype Machine, Soundcloud, iLike, YouTube, Photobucket, Flickr, weheartit, Stumbleupon. Yeah I only frequently use about three out of those 15. Go me!

But I tell you this my friend- I am intent on becoming a neek. No, not a nerd-geek, a net geek. I actually used to be a total Myspace kid, using HTML and all that to make my page look all preddy. 24/7. I think that was what got me 13 GCSEs.

Since two years ago though, I've moved onto Facebook, and recently onto Twitter... the lazy sites. Yeah, I said it, THEY'RE LAZY. They do everything for you! Even though you spend your whole life working on.. er, doing... what are you doing? Oh yeah, telling the world that you're having a Starbucks coffee. Woohoo, World, did you hear that? This kid's having a Starbucks coffee! Yeah, just wasted a whole 60 seconds of my life, used up a hundred up of my brain cells, and killed a few more of my eye cells in the process, just reading this bloody status about a life-changing experiences.

Alright, all the statuses this week have been about the new Facebook layout. Everytime a new layout comes out, a gazillion new groups pop up, including at least one (each time) called exactly this: 'I HATE THE NEW FACEBOOK'. Idea: if you spent less time on Facebook, you can make the world a better place. How? Because then maybe Facebook would be less used, and Facebook would feel less need to keep its popularity by making itself prettier, and then you wouldn't get angry because Facebook kept its look the same old look, and then you wouldn't need to make Facebook sicker by creating hate groups. That, or you'd get an actual social life, and then make the real world a better place. Now that's innovative.

Not that I can really talk, I spend my whole life procrastinating. Keeping this blog up, watching music channels, writing these blogs, hitting the books, making that little widget on my blog look that little bit nicer. Isn't my blog lucky.

So yeah, watch this space to keep track of how I'm making progress neek-wise!

xxxx

this is tupac robot club rock.

2009-10-29T08:16:00.009Z

'This is Tupac robot club rock.'

Great beat, great synthetics (ok that is so the wrong word. what's the word for the electronicy sounds on a song?), great choon. Recommended, as always, by the mighty Zane Lowe, probably about a year or more ago. But, reminded by NME TV, I only downloaded it last night. The dancing in the vid is classic. Observe 2:39. I just can't get enough.
Be sure to check that song out.

Anyway, my main point of today's post is.. nah, read on and find out for yourself.

Most of you readers (if we assume that this blog is actually read by strangers) will not know that I am an IB student. OR maybe you have, if you've inferred it from my past 'FML' posts. So, life isn't all peachy at the moment, what with the simultaneous courseworks being piled on to us. However I have never once regretted my decision to take the IB. I mean, just imagine taking A-Levels. Euch (sorry A-Levellers).

I am actually really enjoying one coursework, and that is my Latin Research Dossier. For it, I am investigating same-sex relations in ancient Rome. Muaha. I was originally doing 'music in ancient Rome'. It was dire. I could find hardly ANY information, music in the ancient world seemed like it would sound absolutely terrible, and the whole idea of Latin coursework at the time was enough to put me to sleep. But since I've started this topic, wahey I actually love doing Latin coursework! Haha you probs all think I'm some sex-obsessed maniac (lol, er, no, I'm not, if you really must know). Don't you find it fascinating to find out about civilisation as it was 2 millenia ago AND what the differences reflect on our own society?

I was doing some reading for it this morning, and one writer (Veyne) rightly pointed out- if homosexuality in ancient Rome was so widespread, does that mean that homosexuality within us is natural, and that perhaps, in our contemporary society, the significance of it is too easily repressed and too hastily dismissed as immoral? No doubt many of you will be reminded by this topic of Nick Griffin's comment that he finds the image of two guys kissing 'creepy'. Alright, I, being pro-LGBT rights, vehemently disagree with him on this point. But can you really say you don't find it creepy? Can you really say that most of our society does not find it creepy? Even I can't really say that.

I have a lot of LGBT friends, and what hit me really hard was, watching a documentary on BBC Two, realising that homosexuality in Britain is grossly misrepresented, especially by the media. If you said the word 'gay' to a number of Britons today, some of the first things they would think of may be two gay men, a 'tranny', but, in general, something to be humoured and not taken seriously. You have to admit, Britons find homosexuality funny, and this is reflected in the fact that it is so often mocked in comedies. What's more, you can see what a society's attitude towards a concept is, just by looking at their language. And how many times have you heard people use the word 'gay' in place of 'stupid'? Hearing one of my guy friends carelessly throw the comment 'you're so gay' around angered me to the edge. CLEAN YOUR LANGUAGE UP, DAMMIT!

So. The point of today's post.
-Zane Lowe is a legend (again with the Radio 1 plugs, haha)

-I love the IB

-I'm a sex-obsessed nymphomaniac
-I am a neek who loves doing Latin coursework

-You are secretly gay. So get real.

And I shall end with this.

You gotta give it to him: he passes well for a pretty fit woman...

xxxx

PS, yes I wrote this at 7 in the morning, the only reason for that being that I got up early to do...wait for it...LATIN COURSEWORK! Love you all.
PPS. If any of you QYN-ers are reading, don't kill me!

rooftops

2009-10-28T23:10:00.007Z

So, I have found out that five more of my friends read my blog. Huh, who says I'm feeling any pressure?

Anyway I shut my eyes in admiration in this moment (well, in the moment that I was writing this) as I heard 'Rooftops' by Lostprophets being played on Radio 1. That station is good at squeezing my fave songs in between the mainstream pop that Capital churns out with no passion. But they don't play rock music snobbily either, which is what XFM does, endlessly making fun of Capital and turning its nose down at music fans who like any shred of mainstream. That was most definitely what put me off a station which otherwise played great music.

Zane Lowe is by far the most talented and one of the most entertaining DJs on the station, speaking in a very approachable manner, playing records from all the music umbrellas, and generally presenting with creditability and integrity. I LOVE HIM.

sorry, just had to get that in.

Another show I quite like is BBC Switch at 7pm on Sundays, although it is slowly turning into a show for mandemz of ages far behind me. Nick Grimshaw is hilarious, creating great on-air chemistry with Annie Mac (no, I don't think they're going out. Or at least I hope they're not. Annie Mac, I'm watching you) so that the show is very much them, and they are very much the show.

Aww, aren't they dashing.

My whole blog seems to suggest that either I work at Radio 1 or I'm an extreme ass-licker who's trying to plug it. But really, I'm not. I wish I worked there! Yeah, I just think they really believe in music as something to be appreciated in itself, something that seems to be lost nowadays, what with X Factor and the concept that with a good record you can become a superstar overnight.

Going on a slight tangent into the realm of my life now: HALLOWEEN IN THREE DAYS. Oh and, BACK TO SCHOOL IN FIVE DAYS.

wtf.

Argh, anyway, I'm so psyched for dressing up on Hallowe'en. I've got a sickkkkk character this year, just hope I can pull it off! Going shopping for it tomorrow: Camden, Primark, Beyond Retro, Rokit, various fancy dress shops. That should do the trick.

xxxx

major FML

2009-10-27T15:27:00.002Z

Yep, it's the end of my world. Facebook is majorly effing up for me. The graphics are all messed up. It's no longer Facebook. I can't search or submit any comment. FML.

I'll admit, it's not really the fact that Facebook is effing up that's pissing me off, more the fact that the graphics messing up means my laptop is slowly degrading. Is that true? WHAT DO MESSED-UP GRAPHICS TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR LAPTOP? Eurgh life is so FML atm.

Last night I spent 30 minutes making my party guestlist grammar-friendly. Hell yeah, I’m a procrastinator extraordinaire. And then today I spent 45 making a playlist for the party – in the library. Yep, in the library, where I was meant to be working. And I'm still in the library now. Working. On my blog. Oxford, I present you your model student.

This is all on top of the fact that I have observed: by the end of today, I will have THREE - WHOLE- DAYS left to do all my work. Four pieces of coursework, two university essays, SAT revision, US application filling out, US application essays. Probably some other major ting that I've forgotten just cause our teacher mandemz like making our holidays non-holidayesque.

Oh shit. And all that homework.

Jokes. I love this! Bring on Y13, that bitch.

xxxx

I BOUGHT SOMETHING

2009-10-27T11:22:00.009Z

[Post from 22/10/09 that I just haven't had the time to put out]

What Paramore fan would resist buying this magazine (well actually I could understand why you wouldn't. Hayley looks a bit up herself and chubbier (!) and the guys are - as always - in the background). But anyway, it's a great article about them. It talks a little bit too much about the fact that they're a non-Christian Christian band, but I can deal with that. And yeah, this was the first time I'd got out and bought something in like a week.

I know this isn't new, but I wanted to rebutt something I heard on BBC Radio1.

Greg James said 'Now, I'm a Killers fan, and this isn't the best cover of the song, but I think it could creep into the top 10. It won't beat Cheryl Cole to number 1, but it'll be up there.' Firstly: how is that not a good cover?! Greg James, can you not feel the artist solidarity in there, can you not feel the sense of getting together to fight for a cause, can you not feel them singing their all into the song?

Secondly, Cheryl Cole = pshhhh. Don't even get me started on her.

Ok, too late, I've started.

I appreciate, she has worked really hard to get to where she is right now. But oh my god I was in Sainsbury's today and saw at least three magazines with her on the front cover. Alright, I'm jealous. But can you honestly tell me she has a good singing voice?

I listened to this song this morning [i.e. the morning of the 22nd] and cried.

As Greg James (again) put it, 'it's beautiful in its own right'. It's chilling. Calming, awe-inspiring, tear-jerking, heart-wrenching.

Ok, that's probably enough emo rant for today.

The only reason I decided to revisit this song is because I saw the following on TV this morning:

Whenever I caught peeks of this video when flicking TV channels, I always thought the guy was Jereminh. And just because of the concept of the Birthday Sex song (I'll rant about this another day), I immediately flicked away. I only just realised today that it's not Jereminh, but Jason Derulo, whose name Nick Grimshaw (on Radio1) slated.

The night I first heard this, i thought WHAT A RIP-OFF of Imogen Heap's 'Hide and Seek'. Then I rushed to my iPod and went on an obsessive repeat play of 'Hide and Seek'. I've kinda laid off this Derulo character since then, but I still think, where would this song be without the enormous sample ~~taken~~borrowed from IH?

Go watch the real video.
xxxx

various entz tings

2009-10-21T14:23:00.009+01:00

I was watching the delightful 'The Captain' by Biffy Clyro on NME TV in its entirety for the first time at lunch. Yes please to this:

Moving on- (I'd read about this on a friend's blog a few days back) Lady Gaga has a new song. But I only heard it yesterday on Radio 1, and the DJ (can't remember who it was, someone replacing Scott Mills?) admitted that it sounded exactly like all her other songs, but that's ok, cause 'that's why we like her - cause she knows what works for her'.

I actually think it's quite different to her other stuff, departing from her tings from 'The Fame', and getting slightly 'bigger'. I mean, just by listening to this song, you can easily visualise her performing this song live at a huge festival.

Next. I listened to John Kennedy on XFM last night, for the first time in at least a year. Wonderful, just wonderful. That guy is a genius (even though he did get a text saying that he (JK) was a really annoying DJ two years ago).

Anyway, he played the most amazing remix - possibly the most chillingly hair-raising yet most breath-taking remix I have ever heard. It's the XX's remix of 'You've Got the Love' (originally by Florence and the Machine). As Kennedy pointed out, they have a tiny Florence sample in there, and the whole remix is a drastic reworking of the original song. Which, I think, is what makes a great remix: when you can depart so far from the original, yet still capture its essence. Thank God Radio 1 was playing Robbie Williams just before this, otherwise I would not have switched to XFM to hear this amazing ting. Welcome back JK.

Enjoy:

xxxx

Keeno for the kisses

2009-10-20T14:51:00.004+01:00

Teenage boys these days. I was listening to Radio 1's Greg James, and they were on the phone to a guy who was probably around my age or younger.

He sounded preddy cut up about a girl. I didn't even understand the story. All that really surprised me is how much attention he paid to the bloody number of kisses this girl left at the end of her texts to him (three, i'll have you know). Then he said (so tearfully as well) that he saw three kisses at the end of her texts to her friends as well! I mean that's just blasphemy!

Here's the thing: he said he knew that girls have this 'girl code' about kisses in texts. I actually opened my mouth in horror - even wider than it already was when hearing that he actually paid attention to kisses - upon hearing that he analyses them according to the girl code... This world needs help. Even I don't look at the number of kisses I leave! I mean I always leave the same number, but not because I want it to mean anything! I sincerely hope nobody has analysed my x's, because I always leave 4 x's, which apparently is 'quite strong' (according to this dejected young dude).

So I did some research on the Internet about this. Here you go. I can't believe there are actually three threads relating to this, ON THE FIRST PAGE. Nor can I believe that I actually went on Men's Health to look into this damned issue...

And still I don't have an answer. Darn, I'll never know what it is that girl code obsessives think about my 4 x's.

xxxx (lol)

jlX

2009-10-19T19:57:00.006+01:00

I found out today that people actually read this ting... So now I feel pressure to write something good..not that I didnt already feel pressure to write something good in case would read this. Here goes.

I saw this on TV this morning in mid-song:

and recognised the JLS tune (yep that video is by JLX). It actually made me realise that it's not JLS who made Beat Again good. It's just the song that's good. So guys, get over JLS, please?

Did some research about this chick, and it turns out she'd been dumped by Marvin Humes, after six years of being together. She 'practically managed JLS' (says NME) and thought up their band name. Then when they hit fame on X Factor, Marvin dumped her in 'suspicious circumstances' (says NME two) (see, I always knew X Factor was a bad piece of work, making people dump their girlfriends unprovoked!)

Ok, admittedly, she does not have the best voice or the nicest dance moves. But I say the girls out there should start letting their guys know that they can't be played around like that, and this Jaime Jay character does it (fairly) well.

xxxx

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

2009-10-18T15:33:00.005+01:00

So yesterday night I saw Heath Ledger's last film, just for the sake of seeing Heath Ledger in his last role. I have to say my opinion of it was marred by the Independent's review of it, which gave it a meagre one star, meaning that I went into that cinema already predisposed to see it as a bad-quality film. People, pre-film review reading: not good.

To my surprise, the film was really enjoyable! Perhaps because of my friend Shannon sitting next to me giggling throughout, but enjoyable all the same. I was really impressed by the way they handled the switches from Ledger to the three other actors. I had expected Ledger --> Replacement Actor one --> replacement actor two --> replacement actor three, but instead they had Ledger, then had him turn into his replacement actors when Ledger's characters enters the imaginarium. Which makes me wonder, did they purposefully film the scenes outside of the imaginarium BEFORE they filmed the ones in there?

I have to say Heath Ledger is not at his best in this role. He still acts well, it's just not a role I will remember him for (that title goes to his rendition of The Joker). Johnny Depp is, as always, endearingly witty in his performance, Jude Law is a bit too wide-eyed and over-exaggerating, and Colin Farrell is just mleh. Lily Cole was..interesting. Her boobs got airbrushed, big time. I won't criticise her because anything I say cannot be taken seriously due to the fact that I am clearly jealous of her (starring with Ledger, a UG at cambridge, a model being some of the obvious reasons).

The plot was.. I want to say 'cute'. It was slightly convoluted, with several script lines and events confusing me. However the message that the imagination and stories are a crucial part of human life and of society is something I really agree with.

The Independent review I read gave it 1 star, essentially because (I quote loosely) Terry Gilliam has a great imagination; it's just a shame that what he imagines is really, really boring. I agree, it was not the tightest plot with a structure that is easily followable. But I imagine that they had to rush the production considerably after the frantic chaos that must have been caused by Ledger's death (RIP), which may go some way to explaining some of the gaps. All in all, a commendable effort from Gilliam, even if an altogether not so successful one.

have you ever

2009-10-16T22:11:00.003+01:00

met someone who you see as a friend. speaks to you as a friend. does friendly things.

but then the only thing they make you feel is shit. like you've got loads of character flaws, your ways are wrong, you do bad things, even that you're a bad person. of course they'll say it in a way that'll make you yourself start to believe it. I believe it now.

of course, since meeting them, I have developed so much. it's been hard, but great hard (in the end). I would never choose to not have had them in my life. thank god.

what do you do? they're your friend but theyre your foe. they can have such reactions. they don't make you feel good. if they do, it happens about 5% of the time spent around them. what the fuck.

xxxx

What Is this

2009-10-15T19:16:00.004+01:00

Liking girls when you're a girl. Liking boys when you're a boy. It's not homosexuality. It is, but it's not.

"If a girl found another girl attractive, i.e. was attracted to them, it means they're a lesbian."

WRONG.

Or at least, massive, hasty presumption.

The thing is, the kind of people who say 'that girl is so fit' are deemed 'not real lesbians who are just attention-seeking hos'. Because they wouldn't engage in a relationship with girls. Because all they want is the sex.

But um, imagine a guy saying 'that girl is so fit'. Who, in their right mind, would say 'those guys are not real straighties, they're just attention seeking hos'?

So the view on 'fake lesbians' is not valid cause in this case the meaning of sexuality has been forgotten. Lesbians =/= only girls who fall in love with girls.

xxxx

Kanye West's outburst

2009-09-26T09:21:00.007+01:00

[EDIT: I've deleted a lot of my old posts. I had blogged for a few years before this, but the posts on this blog were just too dire to publish here. So it's a fresh start.]

Is it wrong that I don't think he's so wrong for going up there and interrupting her? Not that I think it was a nice thing to do. I don't see why everybody's so outraged. She'll get over it. Plus she got a VMA, at least he didn't steal it off her... AND Beyoncé got her to come on stage with her. It's just funny. No need to take it so seriously.

xxxx