liar liar pants on fire

Oh, dishonesty. So useful, so helpful, so pleasing an accomplice. There is nothing like dishonesty to get you out of trouble, to avoid their judgement, to get into their good books. But there is also nothing like dishonesty to get you into trouble, to suffer their worst judgment, and to get out of their good books. There are some whose lies I can't bear. Excuses for not coming out to cotch, stories to make themselves seem like the goody – why do I smile and say 'that's OK'? Sometimes because I'm a wuss, sometimes because I know it doesn't do any good to stir up beef. But how much frustration it stirs up in my mind to hear their words, to know that they're lying, and to look them in the eye (or in some cases, hear them on the phone) and think 'how the fuck can I trust them again?'

Half-hearted truth and insincerity are almost as bad. Why would you say something if you didn't mean it? To avoid hurting their feelings? Yeah, I've done it before. To not seem like a bitch? OK. Because you don't have the guts to spit out the truth, and then go behind their back and rant about for two hours? Two-faced bitch.

Of course, the world's not black and white. I'm not an honest person, if honesty requires 100% commitment. Some things actually don't need to be divulged. They might be insignificant, but divulging them would add nothing to the world. So what's the boundary that makes a white lie a lie? The intention? Are good intentions enough to make a lie white? Well, saying that you're going out with friends to a restaurant when you're actually going to a restaurant and THEN to a club is a white lie, isn't it? The intention there is to keep yourself from trouble. Saying that you didn't get off with that boy when you actually did – that's not a white lie. The intention there is triple-edged: to save your relationship, to keep yourself from trouble, and to protect their feelings, so the intention is mostly to look after others' feelings. Therefore, good intentions do not make for a white lie.

So is it the consequences? If your parents found out you were actually clubbing, then the worst that happens is you get grounded (although that IS quite a big deal for us socialites ; P), yet if you were found to have snogged another boy, the consequences would be far further-reaching: a relationship split, i.e. DRAMA. You get called a ho? Your boyfriend, now you've broken up, gets off with multiple girls and you end up crying in your pillow. And possibly deciding to find solace in more physical activites?

Right, I watch too much daytime TV. I don't think it's the consequences.

Hey, covering up ADULTERY (muaha, I sound like such a puritan) does not invite sympathy either. So maybe it's what you're covering up that decides what kind of lie you're telling. In the first case, you're covering up going out -

OK I just realised, the only reason I consider the first case to be a white lie is because I think that lying to parents is alright. Erm, discriminative much? Haha, that's so telling of my own morality. And of my respect for my elders. Oh sod the elders. If they want my respect, they'll have to earn it. Why is an older person more respectable?! That's another debate altogether, one which I might discuss laterzzzzz.

So, lying to your parents seems to be alright, because we're all used to it. Well it's their fault they're so controlling. WE WANT FREEDOM. But they don't give us freedom, and if we tell them, then they'll keep an ever tighter hold on us. I certainly don't lie to my parents: I tell them the vital details, but I don't tell them every single thing I do.

Anyway, let's stop analysing mine and my parents' glorious relationship. I do think it's WHAT you're covering up that makes the difference. Say if you left out the fact that you have a secret shrine to McFly (this is wholly unrepresentative of my own life. Hum.) that's a white lie, isn't it? But covering up ADULTERY isn't a white lie.

Maybe I've got it all wrong. After all, I'm a good girl, and don't lie at all, do I?

The point is, the times that I've lost a friendship due to honesty are few and far between, but they're there. And they're not embedded in the past. They're floating around, slowly approaching. Gah, what pisses me off isn't what you're lying about – it's simply that you're lying! You watch out, bitch; don't lie to me or you'll lose my trust.

xxxx

i'm such a thief

Big news of the week: I got an interview! Very, very happy. The thing that most amuses me is the fact that, on Tuesday night, I went home, asked my mum whether there had been any post delivered on that day. She answered 'no' but I went to check anyway. What do I find, but a letter addressed to me from my college, and which I am convinced is a rejection letter because of its slim appearance. I open it and it's an invitation to interview!... And I glance at the postmark date and it's 13 November. So it's been sitting in my house for... 18 days. What a blithering idiot I am. And I could have been driven to work much harder if I'd known back then..

Important thing is, I saw it. Imagine if I'd seen it only the day after my interview? Gah, I think I'd actually have beaten myself up right there and then. But AHHHHH i'm so excited, and quite nervous! I'm calmer and more confident than before, but grrrrrr still have to do so much!

Just took my SAT II Subject Tests this morning. Had to wake up at bloody 5.55 in the morning, and left a little later than scheduled. Anyway, skip to the actual tests - they didn't leave me feeling as bad as the SAT I did. That's probably cause two of the tests were French and Latin, both of which I'm well immersed in. The other one, Maths II, wasn't so good. But ah well.

At the bus stop on my way back, there was a salesman trying to sell 'Lebera' SIM cards at a shoddy little stall by the bus shelter. I watched a middle-aged woman looking at the stall and then going over to ask him about it. I thought 'poor woman, she's gonna get scammed'.

As she came back next to me and tried to look for her purse, she gently pushed my elbow accidentally, and for this, she apologised. So I thought, 'argh, have to at least warn her'

'What's his deal that's he offering?'
'Well I've got a son in Iraq and calling him would only cost 7p a minute, and my daughter is in Ireland and he says it would only cost 4p a minute.'
'Oh.. you should careful [to make sure] that you're not being scammed'
'Am I?'
'Well I don't know, he might be, it's easy to scam people like this'
'Yes, and I'm easily scammed...'

At this point he came over and asked me if I wanted a SIM and I said 'GOD NO. No it's ok : )' The woman said to him, 'I'll buy it on my way back, not now.' After a sterner assertion from her he finally left us.

Then she thanked me for helping her and told me about how her purse got stolen earlier this week. Poor woman. That man looked well dodgy though, as did the whole 'deal'. He wasn't even trying to publicise, he stood behind tiny stall and miserably attempted to sell his product by freakin' mumbling. GET SOME TRAINING YOU IDIOT.

Another horror of my day is getting off my bus and having my eyes meet the sight of four 12-year-old-ish girls from my 'hood wearing a collection of tracksuits, UGGs, fluorescent yellow, fluorescent pink, standard jeggings... My eyes were in dire need of being rescued.

Then - I'm practically drowning here - my sister showed me a pair of heels she bought from Primark (PRIMARK?!) and her jewggings. Wahey.

xxxx

ps, sorry, this week I'm not doing the features of the week (choon/vid/pic of the week). No time! I'll treat you after the interview though : )